*****
Preface
An eternal lie, could also be referred to as the truth.
Written from here on is the love story of a certain girl.
She was strong and beautiful.
She was intelligent and brimmed with confidence.
She was loved by everyone around her, a charismatic girl.
No matter how difficult a situation was, she wouldn’t fail.
She would keep climbing over the tall wall that stood in her way with her own power. She faced forwards gloriously. She was Oozuka Mai, Ashigaya’s Super Darling. The sun that blinded everyone with her shimmering light.
Still, was that really the truth?
Renako was supposed to have already understood. It didn’t matter who it was—everyone had their own worries, whether big or small. Nonetheless, they kept going on no matter how painful it was.
No matter what position you were in or how your personality was, life meant encountering a series of worries, struggles, uplifting moments, and tears, but somehow, one was expected to move forward, since there was no other choice.
Or it was also possible that, among the 7.8 billion people on earth, there was a single person who was the only exception to all that—Oozuka Mai.
This story was something that definitely hadn’t been known to Amaori Renako.
Up until now, and perhaps even from here on. Forever.
Because this was the story wished for by a girl in love.
Volume 1 - After the Party
“Why did you do something like that?”
That day, Mai had dinner together with her mother who had just arrived in Japan.
It seemed like the news of her renting an entire hotel hall to organize a party had reached her mother’s ears in no time. She chewed on the appetizer before her, maintaining a calm expression. It had marinated olive, known for its sourness and a taste strong enough to peel people's eyes wide open. Putting it frankly, it wasn’t her favourite ingredient.
“It means I’m at that age.”
Since her mother spent most of her time in France, they conversed in French all the time. Honestly speaking, for her who was half-Japanese, not really being proficient in Japanese bothered her quite a lot. From the scheduling of her work to instructions given to her on her job, everything was relayed in French.
“Keep it in moderation. You’re still a student after all.”
“I know. I’m perfectly aware of my position as a person in charge of promoting Queen Rose. I’ll make sure to not overdo it from now on.”
“Please. I don’t want to deal with trouble in the Tokyo branch from my office in Paris.”
Clink clank. For a while, the room was only filled with the clatter of tableware.
“And so, just like what I told you before, this summer will be busy. I’ve already given the detailed schedule to your manager.” (TL note: Hanatori-san)
“I understand. So, how’s the company going?”
“Let’s see. If you’re asking about the overall performance, it wasn’t bad. The design is what’s bothering me. It’s still too far from something that can be called a masterpiece. The new designs have been recycled versions of the original, after all.”
Her mother, Oozuka Renee, was Queen Rose’s top designer. The company’s performance was reliant on her brain and her nimble fingers. Over the years, the company had grown so large it put her mother under more pressure.
She had also begun to talk about the business with her daughter like this since recent years. It might have been that she could no longer shoulder every responsibility by herself. Even then, the only thing Mai could do was lend an ear to her mother’s complaints like this.
“In recent years, the only inspiration that motivates me is seeing your growth. To think that my daughter has let go of my hand and become a completely different person. It really is a refreshing experience.”
“Mama and I are different people after all.”
“The moment I realized that was when you rebelled against me at age 10.”
“Rebelling is…that’s such an exaggeration.” Mai let out a bitter laugh.
Her mother wasn’t the best at expressing her emotions. This might be the very reason she became a designer.
Having a conversation with someone who didn’t understand her was like eating a salad filled with toppings she despised. Never knowing when she’d bite into something bitter, she could only take careful bites.
“That’s why…”
“On n’a qu’une vie,” she uttered, “There’s only one life. I don’t regret anything, and I don’t want you to have any regrets. So be prudent with your actions, ma chérie.”
“...Yes.”
Those were the words that often came out of her mouth. It sounded like something said for her sake, but behind those words, the true meaning behind those words—
You keep saying, ‘you don’t want me to have any regrets’. In short, you’re telling me to follow your path, right?
Mai kept questioning that inside her mind.
With a height of 167 cm, in France, she was considered small-statured among the top models, unlike in Japan. Her very presence was unremarkable in France. Even though she had bright blonde hair, there were many other people with the same hair color overseas.
Originally, it wasn’t like she even had that much talent to rise to the top overseas. The reason she had been appointed for the responsible position was because she is her mother’s daughter.
A reason as simple as that allowed her to push away every other young and talented candidate and she secured Japan’s top position for her own. So many people were defeated in the process and ended up choosing to give up on their dreams.
That was why Mai thought that she should push herself for the sake of those people who lost their dreams.
Which was why losing the position at the top of the pyramid was definitely not an option.
Nonetheless, Mai also thought that her job as a model was the chain binding her to her status as Renee’s daughter, and nothing more. She had no say in her future. Everything about her life was controlled by her mother. There had only been one time—one single moment—to which her mother referred to as a ‘rebellion’, where Mai drew a line in her life for herself.
“If you have something you want, or you want to settle down with someone, you just need to say it so I can hurry and make arrangements for you. You don’t need to hold back. Since you’re my precious daughter after all.”
“...thank you, Mama.”
The night continued bit by bit. Even as she dined together with a person who was supposed to understand her the most, that night, she couldn’t help but feel that her stomach was filled with emptiness.
Volume 2 - After the Defeat
“I lost, fufu, I lost…A loser, I’m such a loser…”
After Renako and Satsuki went home, Mai sank into her chair, motionless. It was like her soul was seeping out from her mouth.
It had been a serious match. Betting on the chance to marry Renako, together with Satsuki, they had a match between three of them. The result of the match was Mai’s utter defeat. It had been a crushing failure. Up until now, she had no clear recollection of her past defeat, even as she dived deep into her memories. Right now, Mai was a pathetic loser.
The one who watched over this pitiful side of hers was…none other than Hanatori.
“Milady, let me bring you something warm to drink…”
“Fufu, thank you, Hanatori-san.”
Mai gazed into the distance with empty eyes. Even at this moment, Mai was someone who wouldn’t ever forget to show her gratitude and Hanatori respected it very much, she thought that as she poured lavender herb tea into her cup. It had an elegant aroma, a fragrance that suited Mai very much. She hoped it would help cheer her up a little.
She placed the cup on the table with a clink. Usually, she would only stand around solemnly, but seeing Mai who looked like she had lost all motivation, she decided to say something as an encouragement.
“Excuse me, I might be insolent by saying this, Milady… But Amaori-sama has already played this game for a long time, right? If so, then Milady doesn't have to be…”
“No, that’s not true, Hanatori-san.” Mai shook her head, “No matter what kind of match it is, on top of accepting the challenge, it means I should strive to win with all my might. It’s unacceptable if I lay out excuses after tasting defeat for my own consolation.”
“I-I…really apologize for my impudence, Milady…!”
She covered her mouth with her hand and her face turned pale.
“For me to say something so unthinkable to tarnish Milady’s noble and pure spirit…I-I will accept any punishment you give me. Tell me your order, Milady!”
Seeing Hanatori kneeling before her, Mai let out a gentle laugh.
“It’s alright, Hanatori-san. You just wanted to comfort me, right? I’m always saved by that kindness of yours. Let’s see. Well then, you should keep helping me from now on. That is my order. Let’s settle with that.”
“Milady…!”
Hanatori wanted to embrace Mai at that moment, but since it would be disrespectful, she was only able to squeeze her hands together.
Mai hugged her knees. While resting her cheek on her knee, she opened her mouth.
“Right, just for a bit, can we talk about Renako?”
“...Yes, I’m listening.”
“Fufu, it would be nice if you don’t show that concerned face, Hanatori-san. Do you remember that time when I was troubled about my decision to stay in Japan or continue high school in France, as suggested by Mama?”
Hanatori was reminded of the Mai during middle school and smiled lightly.
“That’s true. That time, you also confided in me.”
“It sure brings back memories. You’d suggested that since my name and hair colour were too prominent in Japan, I should move to France.”
“Yes. By doing that, you can also live together with your family.”
She clearly remembered that time. Even the usual radiant Mai had appeared lost during that time. Hanatori, who had become very worried, lost 3 kilograms thanks to that.
As long as it was for Mai’s sake. She’d bravely suggested it while also preparing to move to France herself.
Mai set her cup down.
“But in the end, I chose to attend Japan’s high school.”
It might have been a minor act of defiance towards her mother. Even so, Hanatori thought her choice hadn’t been wrong.
(Since Milady had been placed in the same class with Koto-sama after all.)
Hanatori had been very moved when she heard about Mai and Satsuki’s past, the same Satsuki who also participated in the match where Mai tasted an utter defeat. If only she weren’t in front of people, she would surely be flooded in her own tears.
As long as Lady Koto Satsuki stayed as her friend, Hanatori was sure that Mai wouldn’t be trapped in loneliness. She was convinced by that fact. She was reassured that it was true love.
It was what she believed…
(I’m sure that both Milady and Satsuki-sama are independent people who don’t need to rely on others. Perhaps their relationship isn’t one of dependence on each other.)
The distance between Mai and Satsuki was something that stretched far but appeared close, yet also close but looked far apart. The relationship that Mai needed wasn’t a predestined rival, nor a bond that stirred both her mind and body.
What she longed for was something that allowed her to feel comfort from the depths of her heart, even if it was plain…
“And that moment, I met Renako.”
Mai’s words made Hanatori feel like her fingers had been sliced by a knife.
“...that girl.”
She managed to suppress her next sentence: “Of all people”, only because of her loyalty towards her master.
Amaori Renako. Both her appearance and personality were absolutely plain, and she didn’t show any unique traits so far. Girls like her could be found easily in both high school and college.
In spite of that, even it was unbecoming to think that Mai had fewer life experiences compared to Hanatori—aside from that time when she was lost while deciding her high school choice. Because, ever since she was little, Mai had met many charming people. She had been raised to become someone who could judge people well.
Even so, Hanatori still couldn’t understand the reason behind Mai’s strong attachment toward Renako.
“I was excited for a new life. Whether I could get used to the new school or not. Right, that’s a normal worry. On top of that, I’d also turned down Mama’s invitation for the sake of attending a school in Japan, so my stress was doubled. I would never regret this decision. That was what I stubbornly thought since I definitely didn’t want to think that way.”
“That was…I understand.”
For Hanatori, Renee was a good employer, but she always decided on things by herself. Even Hanatori couldn’t really grasp her true intention. In the first place, she didn’t look like someone who was interested in having a conversation with her own daughter. Even though they were the only family to each other.
“I’d already gotten used to being surrounded by people watching from a distance, treating me carefully, like I was some sort of serious illness. Still, I also wanted to taste happiness just like other people, as an ordinary high-schooler. While also holding that kind of expectation, at the same time, I was also swayed by the uneasiness that it couldn’t happen.”
“Is that so…”
Even if it was in front of Hanatori, Mai was someone who would never show her vulnerable side to anyone. Even though she told her stuff like this, it would be when everything was over. No matter how many times, Hanatori would never get used to this feeling of frustration.
“But then, when I was deep in my own insecurities, she came and blew it all away.”
“...that girl did?”
Like a flower bud that slowly bloomed after the snowflakes had melted, Mai smiled.
“—will you be my friend, was what she asked me.”
“That’s…”
There weren’t many people who managed to reach out to Oozuka Mai proactively. The probability would be slimmer if it excluded pure curiosity and interest. That moment, even Hanatori had her breath taken away.
“Now when I look back at it, perhaps it was at that moment where I’d already fallen in love with her.”
“Milady…”
“Hanatori-san, I’ll show you that I can become someone who could stand next to her.”
Mai pledged before Hanatori.
“...is that so, Milady?”
Mai was a girl who could love someone dearly and devote everything to that. This time, Hanatori who listened to everything directly from Mai couldn’t help but earnestly support the feeling of love Mai had—
(—is of course something that I would never think of, not even the slightest…)
For now, Hanatori decided to spend her salary from work to request information from a detective agency on the girl. No matter what, she would uncover the true identity of Amaori Renako.
What was her true intention in making a connection with Milady? If by any chance, it turned out that she was a poisonous insect that would ruin the flowers, then when that time comes…
Even so, Hanatori acknowledged Amaori Renako’s achievement when she was able to blow Mai's anxiety away on the day of the opening ceremony.
Volume 3 - After the Confession of Ajisai
This happened at the end of summer break, a while before the second semester started.
“I’m home.”
That day, Satsuki had arrived home from her part-time job to find an unfamiliar pair of shoes at the door.
She gazed at it impassively. Seeing an unfamiliar pair of shoes at the door gave her the unmistakable feeling of nostalgia from her childhood. She opened the door. Inside, she saw a girl facing the wall, her knees tucked to her chest. She seemed smaller than usual. The only thing that seemed normal was her bright, dazzling blonde hair, reflecting the light.
“There’s a big kid here.”
“......”
She sighed and set down her bag, then organized her school stuff for tomorrow. Things were harder to do when she was sleepy, so she decided to sort things out as soon as she could. Mai was motionless, as if she’d transformed into an ornament.
I bet she’s going to be like that until I ask her what’s up. From the depths of her heart, Satsuki couldn’t help but think that this was going to be a pain.
She almost thought of saying, “Didn’t you say that you wouldn’t rely on me again?” and then bring up things that had already happened. But not even Satsuki was cruel enough to say something like that.
“So, what is it again? Why are you here tonight?”
She brewed a mug of instant coffee for herself, but still got no reaction from Mai. She opened her textbook. After that, Mai opened her mouth.
“...it might be possible that I’m not loved by everyone around the world after all.”
“..................”
At that moment, Satsuki wanted to kick her out, but it was still okay, she still could manage this. It was unfitting for her as Oozuka Mai’s childhood friend to have a short temper.
“...and?”
“No, I’m sure that there are a lot of people who like me. That’s a given. Because I don’t need to do anything to make people love me after all…”
“......”
Alright, let’s kick her out. It seems like it’s not something urgent anyway. Right after thinking that, Mai spoke.
“It’s just, I’m not their number one after all.”
Mai’s voice sounded lonely. Satsuki looked over her shoulder.
From her eyes, Satsuki saw someone resembling a kid who had been scolded. A gloomy expression spread across her face. This was a side of Oozuka Mai she would definitely not show to anyone other than Satsuki.
“...just tell me what happened.”
Seeing her so downhearted like this was rare. It wasn’t because Mai didn't need to rely on Satsuki anymore since starting high school. It was more because her emotions had become more stable now.
It couldn’t be helped. Satsuki dropped her pen and faced Mai.
For a while, Mai looked like she was having a hard time saying the things on her mind, but she’d already come this far to Satsuki’s place anyway.
“Actually…”
Mai recounted her story.
Not even Satsuki could hold back her surprise.
“Sena confessed to Amaori? Eeh…?”
She had been aware of Ajisai’s interest in Renako, but all along, she’d always thought of it as friendship, not something she needed to act upon.
Since a long time ago, Satsuki had been a perceptive and sensitive girl, someone who could detect changes in her surroundings and sense the mood, so much that it sometimes seemed like she could read minds.
She didn’t really want to admit this, but perhaps she’d inherited her mother’s skills. Her mother had to survive in society by being good at socializing, after all.
Except, even though she could read the mood, whether she could properly do as the situation demanded was a completely different matter.
Because of her perceptive nature, she was able to carefully select people she could regard as friends, and then spend most of her free time at school immersing herself inside the world of the books. Like someone with an exceptional eyesight choosing to live on a cramped street in an urban city, interacting with thoughtless people would only exhaust her. And so, the only thing Satsuki wished for was to be able to spend her days peacefully.
Her current relationships with the other group members were relatively on the stable side, and it made her happy.
She also had friends whom she’d thought of keeping in touch.
Sena is unmistakably in that category. While Amaori is…Amaori is—well, let’s put her aside for now.
“I see, now I get it.”
I do get how Amaori messed everything up. Now then…
“And so, in short she put a hold on both you and Sena? How should I put this—Amaori…she really is hopeless. If only I was present at that time, I would probably punch her.”
She could also understand why Mai was reluctant to talk about this. No matter how she narrated the story, Satsuki would be pissed off at Renako and her actions.
“But you see, that's okay. I’d chosen to wait it out so we can discuss it properly.” Mai solemnly shook her head. “It’s just—how can I put this…the moment Ajisai confessed her feelings, Renako’s expression was…the look on her face keeps lingering inside my head.”
“...her expression?”
“Yeah.”
Mai smiled absently. With such a powerless smile plastered on her face, Satsuki thought she looked like an ordinary young girl.
“Her expression was like—the moment she fell in love. That’s the impression I got from that face.”
Mai must have uttered those words while holding back overpowering emotions.
“That’s—” Satsuki was speechless.
The truth was, right now, it no longer mattered.
The problem in front of her right now was…
(If you’re the one to say it, then…if you really think of it that way, then…everything would really turn out that way, right?)
Her chest tightened.
The way Mai said it was like she declared her defeat.
Satsuki was shaken, though she couldn’t really understand why.
She didn’t want to see Mai easily admit her defeat to others like this.
“Well…what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.”
(What do you mean by you don’t know? It’s not like it’s too late to do anything.)
The usual Mai would’ve answered with something like, “I’ll definitely make her turn in my direction,” with full confidence.
Indeed, you’re someone who would always come to my house and complain, or share everything about your worries, every time you failed at your work or had a fight with your mom. But after you finish ranting, you always say you’ll do your best starting tomorrow, with renewed energy.
(Even after all of that, to think that you’ve become like this because of love…)
Oozuka Mai wasn’t supposed to be someone who was easily crushed like this.
Love was, to put it simply, something that resembled junk food for students who had no interest in studying.
If Mai had already tasted the sweetness of love and lost her ability to stand up on her own, then…
If so, what if I stole those lips at this moment and said, “Rather than thinking about a girl like her, let me help you to forget her.” Would Mai feel at ease? Or it would also be possible that I would end up not being able to contain my own annoyance though.
(That’s not the problem here…)
She shook off the weird ideas. Doing something like definitely strayed too far from what a friend should do.
Even if by any chance Mai could recover from that, she would consider that kiss worthless. It annoyed Satsuki a lot to know she would be the only person losing out on something if she really did that.
Mai parted her pink lips and averted her gaze.
“My only thought right now is that as long as Renako is happy, everything’s going to be fine.”
“...what’s with that? Since when you turned into such a saint?”
Satsuki clicked her tongue as Mai stayed silent.
Satsuki had tons of things she wanted to say and do. To Renako too, but also toward Ajisai. Even so, if she really spewed out everything inside her mind, she’d be the only one to feel relief from doing so. If she chose to do that, it would’ve been better if she hadn’t listened to Mai’s story at the beginning.
That was why Satsuki couldn’t say anything to her. Nothing at all.
She shifted beside Mai, then placed her hand on her back. Referring to everything Mai said, she asked, “Really? Do you mean it?”
“I…”
“Even though you wouldn’t be the one standing next to her?”
Mai couldn’t answer Satsuki’s question.
It was the same as staying next to someone she loved so dearly, but killing off all emotions and feeling nothing, simply watching over her from the sidelines.
From the deepest part of her heart, she really thought it was foolish.
To think that a woman who could get anything with her bare hands ended up wishing for something like that.
(But you’re always like that, Mai… You always try to fulfil everyone’s expectations of you… You really are a real idiot…”
That time, without saying anything, Satsuki kept caressing Mai’s back. She didn’t know why she was doing that, but she continued to do that for a while.
Volume 4 - After the Send Over on Amusement Park Date
It was the last event at Makuhari Cosplay Summit.
The moment where Ajisai and Renako went to the stage where Mai waited. And then—
—let’s turn back time for a little bit.
“Mai-chan,” Ajisai called for Mai in the hall.
It was the day after the amusement park date. Monday at school, during break time.
“Oh, it’s you, Ajisai.”
Ajisai found it difficult to say anything when she saw her composed attitude. Mai was smiling like a child who’d been found while playing hide and seek.
Ajisai stepped forward and opened her mouth. “You see, about yesterday.”
Several students passed by and waved at Mai and Ajisai. Naturally, Mai smiled as she waved back.
“Aah, right. I, too, have something I want to tell you. I have a feeling this has been going on for too long.”
In contrast to Mai’s calm demeanor, Ajisai looked full of concern.
“Can we talk about this in a quiet place? Like that time at the aquarium… Well, but since this is a school, that’s difficult, right?”
“I know a place.”
After saying that, Mai led Ajisai to a deserted place. The rooftop.
A sudden gust of wind struck them once they opened the iron doors. Ajisai grabbed her hair that had come loose from the breeze.
“Waa. Isn't the rooftop forbidden to students?”
She felt strangely elated the moment her feet touched the concrete. She was wearing indoor shoes, after all.
Even though it wasn’t that high up, the clear skies felt almost closer as Ajisai stretched out her hand.
Mai giggled behind Ajisai. “Of course it’s forbidden. That’s why this is a secret between us.”
“Fufu, I see. We’re doing something bad, eh.”
Mai walked to the edge of the roof. There was a fence wrapped around the perimeter, but it was short, only reaching her waist. It was a simple enough boundary with other side to cross, as long as the momentum to jump from this place was present.
“This is kind of scary.”
“Don’t get too close to the fence.” Mai muttered in a hushed voice, “Because the me right now isn’t someone who can fly in the sky.”
Ajisai couldn’t understand the meaning behind her words, but Mai did seem like someone who could fly in the sky. Though right now…she wasn't really sure about that.
“Come here.” Mai beckoned her to come closer. Ajisai stood between her and the fence.
“Hey, Mai-chan.”
“Hmm?”
“The day of our amusement park date…you already knew you had work, right?”
The vast skies above them were clear and brilliantly blue, the clouds floating overhead looking like they had been painted perfectly with a brush.
“Did you invite me and Rena-chan for the sake of letting us be together?”
“Why do you think that?”
“Mmm~...I’m just wondering.”
Ajisai had felt like something was off when Mai called at that time. Maybe it had been because Mai’s voice was calm when she’d told them that she couldn’t go, almost like she’d anticipated it.
That was why Ajisai couldn’t shake off her thoughts. Why Mai did something like that.
The only answer Ajisai could come up for that question was—
Mai kept her answer short while smiling in a way that seemed self-deprecating.
“About your question…I don’t really want to answer it.”
Ajisai’s eyes wavered as she heard the strong rejection from Mai, which was completely unlike her.
“Mai-chan…”
“I don’t really want to lie to you. Because you’re one of the very few people at this school who can get along well with me and treat me as an equal.”
“That…I also have the same feelings.”
Ajisai slowly touched Mai’s arm. It was thin, undoubtedly the arm of a girl.
If it was the old her, she would just back down after being rejected.
Nevertheless, right now she had enough strength to confront her, thanks to Mai herself.
“The me right now only exists because you were the one who pushed me at that time. That’s why I’m truly grateful to you. Hey, Mai-chan, why did you leave the two of us alone that day?”
“......”
Despite that, Mai still didn’t say anything.
Aijsai placed her hand over her chest, and then cast her eyes down.
She chose to say something sly.
“You see…that day, I kissed Rena-chan.”
There was a great pain deep inside Mai’s heart.
“It made me so excited. I really couldn’t stop my heart from beating so fast. And then, we went home with our hands intertwined. Hey, I already said that you don’t have to worry about me, right…? Even then.”
She lifted her face and examined Mai’s expression.
“At this rate, I’m going to win, you know…?”
It would be Mai’s definite loss if she dropped out of the competition of her own accord.
“Rena-chan will be completely mine, you know? Mai-chan…are you really alright with that?”
Of course not.
Even then, Mai was—
“As long as Renako is happy.”
“Mai-chan!”
Ajisai seized Mai’s hand. She didn’t resist.
“Why would you say something like that! As I thought, everything is like this because I confessed to Rena-chan—”
“You’re mistaken, Ajisai. You didn’t do anything wrong. Everything is my fault.”
Ajisai snapped out of the impulse that had pushed her to come this far.
“Your fault is—what do you mean…?”
Mai gritted her teeth, still looking down.
“I was thinking about things, and I realized I’m too self-centered. I always thought that as long as I did everything my way, it would turn out to be okay. I was immature. But the truth is, this world is running on something more complex than I had initially thought.”
Mai was referring to a deeply rooted problem that went beyond the discussion about the date.
Ajisai didn’t want to lose anything, not even the smallest piece of information, so she kept studying Mai’s elegant face.
“...let me hear it.”
“I’m void of my own self,” Mai said. “I always perform my part as the ‘Oozuka Mai’ that Mama wishes for, the woman suitable as Queen Rose’s star model. Someone strong and intelligent, and loved by everyone. That Oozuka Mai really is a splendid figure, I personally think.”
The way she phrased it was like she was telling Ajisai about another person’s traits.
“As long as I play my part well as Oozuka Mai, it’s a given that everything will go smoothly. I can be the virtuous person. Ajisai, the one who pushed your back that day was Oozuka Mai. The real me would never be able to say it.”
“Even so…whichever one you are, you’re still Mai-chan to me. Even I also have a part of me that’s not a good person. I have my unfair and selfish side, and I admit that… If I can do that, then I’m sure that Mai-chan can also…”
Mai shook her head gently. “...it was my first time falling in love.”
She placed her hand on her chest.
“I was drunk on the sensation where my body was burning deep in passion. I felt ecstasy toward her. Doing something impulsive based on what my body longed to was enjoyable. I thought that was what it meant to be free. But then...”
She dropped her gaze.
“I ended up hurting her.”
“Mai-chan…”
“I understand that the shape of my love isn’t something that Renako seeks from me. I’ll never be able to have her love as long as I stay as this me.”
“Something like that is...”
“If that’s how things will turn out, then the only thing I can do is be kind. Whether it’s during the time with Satsuki, or with you. But you see, once I do that, I have no idea how to eliminate the distance between us. Because the Oozuka Mai that’s loved by everyone would never place her love on one person.”
Mai’s words sounded cold and heavy, like they were made from a wall of ice.
Everyone had their own masks based on the situation they were in. This was also the truth for Ajisai. She showed a different side at home, at school. She even had a different face she only showed to Renako. Even in front of each of her friends, she showed slightly different sides. That was a given.
But Mai’s mask was too firm. It was a curse—or rather, it could also be referred to as her fate.
“Despite everything, I still love Renako. I don’t want to give up. But then, in spite of that…”
Mai took a deep breath, and then she uttered, “I’m scared of being hated.”
She didn’t mind if other people hated her. It couldn’t be helped if people harbored negative feelings towards her. She’d intended to live her life that way after all.
Still, I don’t want to be hated by Renako, and by every one of you.
“I don’t know what I am supposed to do now.”
—Ajisai couldn’t say anything for a long while, facing Mai, whose eyes were lowered to the ground.
She was convinced that up until now, a lot of things must have happened. From Ajisai’s point of view, the Mai who survived and kept winning in the modelling world was something so far away she couldn’t even imagine it. Perhaps, she also had been surviving in that world by hurting other people.
She couldn’t bring herself to thoughtlessly say, “It will be alright.”
Even so, she wanted to do something for her. Gently, Ajisai wrapped Mai’s body into a gentle hug.
“...Mai-chan.”
While still looking down, Mai murmured.
“Why are you the one crying, Ajisai?”
“I’m sorry… Unlike Mai-chan, I’m weak after all…”
“You’re wrong. Rather than weakness, I’m sure that it’s kindness. It’s something I can’t have.”
Mai folded her arms around Ajisai.
“As long as you make Renako happy…then, Ajisai, I won’t—”
“You can’t do something like that. It’s not right. You can’t give up your love for that reason. I won’t forgive you if you do that.”
Ajisai gently pushed away Mai’s body.
She scowled at Mai, her eyes wet with tears.
“If you do that, it will be my turn to hate you, Mai-chan.”
Looking sorrowful, Mai dropped her gaze again.
“That would be…heart-breaking, eh.”
Ajisai swallowed her words, then shook her head.
“I lied. That’s not it. I won’t hate you, no matter what. I will always like you, Mai-chan, no matter how long. That’s why…don’t make me hate you, Mai-chan.”
Ajisai slowly reached out her hand towards her.
As if wanting to reconcile, Mai held her hand.
After Ajisai wiped the corner of her eyes with her handkerchief, she gazed at Mai.
Mai, reflected in her eyes, somehow reminded her of a preschool kid waiting for their parents to arrive.
Ajisai forced a smile.
“Hey, Mai-chan. Next time, go on a date with me.”
“...with you?”
“Yup. We don’t need to invite Rena-chan, it’ll only be us. I have a lot of things I want to talk with you about. For me, I really want to do everything for Mai-chan’s sake since you saved me. No, let me do everything I can for you.”
“...to think that I made you say something like this, I’m really sorry.”
“I am stubborn and selfish. So Mai-chan has discovered this side of me.”
Ajisai stuck out her tongue.
She did her best to act silly to lighten Mai’s heart even for a bit. Still, the gaze Mai directed at Ajisai seemed so lonely.
“Yeah, Ajisai… just give me a moment.”
Ajisai nodded, “Of course,” and then let go of Mai’s hand. Mai unlocked her phone and checked her schedule. She gave her a pained expression.
“It seems like it will be impossible…for a while. My schedule doesn't look so good.”
“I see…you really are busy, eh, Mai-chan…”
Nevertheless, Ajisai didn’t want to keep waiting for one or two months with these painful feelings. It would be easier to give up and admit she couldn’t do anything, but then Ajisai forced another side of her selfishness.
“Then what if I tell you I’ll wait until your work is done just like during summer break?”
“Then I’ll feel bad for you.”
“If you really think that…then it’ll be great if you can meet me earlier though~”
Even Ajisai felt surprised with the forceful things that she was saying. It felt refreshing.
“If so…alright then, err, on this weekend, I have work starting in the afternoon, and so, I have free time after that. You might have to wait a bit at the venue though.”
“I’m okay with that. I like watching you work after all.”
Ajisai made an okay sign with her fingers, and then she smiled.
“Is that so? Okay then.”
“Yup.” Ajisai nodded with a smile.
However—
Deep down, she also noticed that she might do something unusual after all.
Even though her own love would be granted the moment Mai gave up her feelings for Renako.
Even though her wish to be happy by confessing to Renako wasn’t something superficial.
—as expected, that wasn’t the form of ‘selfishness’ she wanted to do.
She wanted other people to be happy, but she also wanted to seize her own happiness.
Still, she wanted to grant her own happiness in the way she wanted to.
They left the roof together. As the iron doors closed behind her, inside her heart, Ajisai wondered.
(I might be…more selfish than I initially thought…)
Or maybe, she was only mimicking the way Mai had been when she saved her—even so, that was okay. Because the Mai on that day had been more beautiful and charming than anyone else.
***
On the day of the event, Mai bowed her head before Ajisai when they met at the venue.
“My apologies, Ajisai.”
“Eeh~...I don’t mind though~...”
Who could’ve expected a situation where they didn’t have enough people for the event?
There had been another model who was supposed to be on stage with Mai, but she’d caught a cold at the last minute and couldn’t attend the event.
Under normal circumstances, it would’ve been fine for Mai to appear by herself on the stage. But this time, it seemed like Mai’s character was to be performed as a pair, and she couldn’t do it without a partner.
And so, Ajisai, who arrived at the venue, caught the stage manager’s eyes. “This girl, is she Oozuka-san’s friend? How about doing it together with her?!” And then she ended up cosplaying for the first time in her life.
“This is embarrassing…I’m not a beauty like Mai-chan after all…”
“Haha, it suits you well, Ajisai. You really are adorable.”
“Well then, if you say so…”
Mai let out a refreshing laugh as Ajisai peeked at her from the corner of her eyes.
“But this is unexpected. You do things like this as part of your job, Mai-chan?”
“It’s a coincidence this time. Queen Rose is one of the sponsors of this event, and so I was invited to perform. I don’t actually know a lot about anime, but I read the material for this character. I did all the things I needed to understand about this, so I don’t think I’ll do something that offends the fans of this series.”
“Ooo….”
Ajisai clapped her hands. She couldn’t help but think that Mai really was on a different level when she did her job as a model.
“Then me too. I’ll learn about it as much as I can!”
“Really? Even though I’m making you help me out. My bad…”
“No, that’s okay. It’s better knowing a bit than nothing, right?”
Inside the waiting room, only Mai and Ajisai were left. The staff kept hurrying back and forth though, so it wasn’t like they were left completely alone.
Since they huddled their bodies together, peering at the small screen of the phone, they felt like they were the only two in the world.
As the rumble of the crowd reached them, Mai slowly opened her mouth.
“Ajisai is really a good girl, huh.”
“What’s that? If you praise me out of nowhere like that, I can’t do anything but be shy though?”
Ajisai peeked at Mai’s profile. Due to the makeup, her beauty was more surreal than her typical gorgeousness. She couldn’t stop her heart from skipping a beat. Ajisai distracted those sudden thoughts with frivolous talk.
“Geez, you keep praising me ever since back then…if you keep saying stuff like that, I will end up liking you, you know?”
“As for me, I like you, Ajisai.”
“I already told you, that’s…”
Ajisai unconsciously spoke with a spoiled tone, and when she realized that, she couldn’t bring herself to speak clearly. It was Mai’s fault.
“If by any chance I didn’t meet Renako, and I received a confession from you, I wonder what I’d do, whether I’d accept it or not.”
“Eeeh~......? What would be your decision?”
That sure came out of nowhere, but considering the topic, Ajisai couldn’t help but feel curious.
“It wouldn’t be bad. Depending on the timing, I might agree to your confession. But whether I could kiss you or not, that’s another question.”
“Kissing Mai-chan…”
Ajisai’s eyes fell on Mai’s lips. She glanced back at the phone, flustered. She placed her hands on top of her lap.
“S-somehow, it’s like I’m being rejected by you, even though I’ve never confessed to you before.”
“Haha, my bad. But you see, it feels strange. To think that I’d regard Renako as someone special…what exactly is the feeling of ‘like’, I wonder.”
Mai didn’t seem to be looking at the phone, but at the Renako that existed in her mind.
Ajisai nodded slightly. She could understand what Mai said. But since she could understand Mai, she also ended up confused.
“Yeah…I wonder how liking someone feels… why would it differ for each person…?”
“Rema friends.” Mai moved her lips.
Ajisai had heard that before, the name of a specific relationship between Mai and Renako.
“It might be possible that, just like my feelings toward you, Renako also harbors the same feelings toward me. If so, as expected I really did something unforgivable…”
“...Mai-chan.”
“Lately, I feel scared whenever I show up in front of people who support me.”
Mai brought up her hands, one hand supporting the other.
“My body is, as expected, something that exists solely for the sake of Queen Rose. Even so, what would people think if they realized that there’s something impure mixed in? My feelings for Renako are real and I really love her, but it scares me if by any chance those feelings start to seep out.”
“...that’s not something impure.”
Also, love didn’t always bring bad influences. Because Mai, who was currently in love, really appeared so radiant it made Ajisai's heart beats rapidly even as someone of the same sex.
“Everyone loves you. That’s why it will be okay. Also, unlike idols, there’s nothing like a no-romance rule for models, right?”
“That’s true. Even so, if I fail my performance, I will disappoint everyone.”
“Then you can’t do anything other than do your best to prevent that from happening…”
Ha. At that moment, Ajisai realized something. She grabbed Mai’s hands.
“But that doesn’t mean you should give up on Rena-chan, okay?”
“Yeah, thank you, Ajisai… Aa-aah, I really don’t like this…”
Mai hugged herself.
“I really don’t like this me who has become so weak that you have to keep encouraging me. I don’t like it when I can't step onto the stage with confidence. I can’t endure the feeling of pessimism of being unable to fulfil people’s expectations. This is the first time that I’m tasting this kind of emotion.”
It was also the first time for Ajisai to see such a grim and frustrated expression from Mai.
To think that she was seeing that Oozuka Mai in her weakened state.
“Ever since I fell in love with Renako, I keep seeing the side of me that I hate. Fear, also cowardice, this worthless side of mine, these were all only shown to me because I fell in love… I never knew that I was someone that could be crushed this much by my own feelings. I’ve always thought and believed that I would be okay under any circumstances…”
When Ajisai thought of Mai who was expected to appear on stage with a brilliant smile plastered on her face, she couldn’t help but feel an immense pain in her chest.
“Hey, Mai-chan. If you’re willing, why don’t we get some fresh air—”
Mai pulled her into an embrace mid-sentence.
Ajisai couldn’t hide her surprise. “Wa, waa…Ma-Mai-chan, the makeup is…”
“It seems like it’s true that being treated gently when you’re in a weak state can cause a feeling of love. Ajisai, I’ll keep saying this: thank you. I’m glad that you’re my friend.”
It was a short hug, where she didn’t even rest her chin on her shoulders. Mai placed her hands on Ajisai’s shoulder abruptly and pushed her away.
“Can you let me be alone for a bit? It’s okay. I only need to reorganize my feelings before the show. You can come to the stage later.”
“But Mai-chan…”
“I’m okay. Since I’m a pro, after all.”
Ajisai knew that she was pushing herself saying all that, but she couldn’t do anything.
You are an ordinary girl, before you put on your professional side, was resembled something Mai had conveyed to her before.
Still, she couldn’t bring herself to utter those words. Mai would most likely only smile sadly when hearing her own words directed back to her.
(Aah, everything is because I showed my courage back then…)
She rose from her chair and placed her hand on her chest.
She liked Renako. At the same time, Mai was her irreplaceable friend. She held both of them dearly.
And for Ajisai, friends meant—
(I only want to share my happiness with them. I don’t want them to feel something like pain or agonizing memories. I wanted to shoulder every one of those ugly burdens.)
As she grasped the doorknob, she turned.
Mai’s figure from behind, as expected, appeared so small. It was like she had sunken to the bottom of a dark lake.
(God, please forgive me.)
She wished for it.
(I won’t say something like wanting to be happy again, I definitely won’t. That’s why—)
She brought up all the strength in her body to stop the tears from welling in her already watery eyes.
Right now, the only person she could make happy was not herself. There was only one person.
(Please, make Mai-chan, someone I hold very dearly, be happy… I beg you, Rena-chan.)
After that, as Ajisai was strolling around the venue, she coincidentally met Satsuki. And then…
She headed to the stage where Mai waited.
(I beg you.)
—while her hand was intertwined with Amaori Renako’s.
*****
Credit:
TL and everything else: Meatbun
Proofread: Lyra
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