*****
“A partner performance?”
“Eh? Yup.”
I felt like fainting.
“Rena-chin?!”
I hadn’t realized before. Kaho-chan had said [eight groups of cosplayers] that time. If the participants were eight ‘people’, they wouldn’t use that word. In short, there were actually eight attendees with two people pairing up to participate…..
“Impossible…this is impossible…”
The next day was Monday morning. I collapsed at the back of the classroom, ignoring other people’s gazes on me. It was unworthy behaviour from someone within the top level of the social hierarchy, but it was good enough that I hadn’t fallen unconscious...
Performing on the big stage at the cosplay show? Me who wasn’t even able to do anything when surrounded by the three photographer ladies, huh…
However, I really wanted to ask Kaho-chan…did she really think I could do this…? No, but if she didn’t think that, she wouldn’t have invited me in the first place!
Still staggering, I tried to stand up properly.
“If that’s the case, how about you ask Satsuki-san…”
“Rena-chin is okay!” Kaho-chan said, looking directly into my eyes.
“Cosplaying together with Rena-chin is okay.”
Uuh…
Indeed, I was the one who had pushed her to consider it… Also, that time I recalled calmly saying something along the lines of, “I will definitely support you as long as I’m capable of doing it!”...
What if at this moment I firmly answered with, “Nah, I’d only come up with those words randomly and ended up pushing you by saying something irresponsible like that. You should be the one to overcome it, so don’t rope me into this lol.” Could I really say that? If I could, I would be better off as someone who deserved to be alone for the rest of my life…
“I see. I understand, Kaho-chan……”
The one who’d said it was me, the one who’d said it was me…
The words I’d said were like the hands of a clock that had already moved. I realized I couldn’t take any of it back.
I placed my hand over my chest, then took a deep breath. Timidly, I stared back into Kaho-chan’s eyes.
“I might cause trouble for you but…wait, in fact, I’m one hundred percent confident that I would impose on you, I’m sure of it!”
“To be so confident in that aspect…”
“But still, if you’re really okay with that, umm…let me help you!”
I bowed down my head and stretched out my hand. Seeing that, Kaho-chan laughed.
“Why are you the one asking me? The role is reversed, right?”
“Y-you’re right but…well, since it’s obvious that I would be extra baggage for you after all…”
I wanted to be Kaho-chan’s strength. I also really wanted to help her, but at the same time, I also didn’t want to be a bother for her. Kaho-chan held my hand, as if wrapping all of these complicated feelings inside my head.
“It’s okay, you know. Because for me, I like it best when I’m doing it together with Rena-chin.”
Since we were in the classroom, she didn’t use the ‘cosplay’ word. She nodded at me. I nodded confidently in response. “Yup!”
Averting her gaze, Kaho-chan murmured, “After all, Saa-chan said she has something else to do anyway.”
Kaho-chan? Why would you ask Satsuki-san first? Am I not your best partner? Hey, Kaho-chan, hey!
Once I arrived at my seat, I slumped down on my desk. I ended up promising something difficult. I wondered if it would evolve into another series of sleepless nights up to the day of the event…
“Err, Rena-chan, did something happen? You’ve been looking depressed since earlier.”
Ajisai-san, who sounded concerned about my well-being, turned around in her seat. I waved my hand wearily.
“It’s alright, no worries…you sure are kind eh, Ajisai-san…”
“Y-you look terrible though!”
“The thing is, Ajisai-san…”
Ajisai-san tilted her head. “Yes?”
I snuck a secret look in Mai's direction from my seat. Earlier, Mai had approached us and apologized since she canceled on us last minute.
“I really am sorry for last weekend” she’d said, referring to the amusement park outing from the other day.
It’s alright, you had a job after all so we couldn’t do anything about that. Hearing our answer, Mai flashed a smile that somehow looked a bit troubled and also lonely. Even then, since I had my hands full thanks to Kaho-chan, I didn’t have any mental space to think about her reaction and couldn’t say anything.
No, well, I did feel sorry since in the end I completely put everything on hold, unlike my determination from before, but…
I lowered my head.
“It’s just, I ended up getting tangled in another difficult situation… And that’s kind of, I’m not even really sure if I can do it even if I used up all my MP, since it’s one kind of a tremendous magic.”
“O-okay.”
With an expression like she was trying hard to understand the nonsense I spouted, she nodded earnestly.
“Actually, if only these things didn’t happen, I planned to give you and Mai my answer today…but since things have become like this…I’m sorry…”
“O-okay, I see… Huh?! Eeeh?!”
Ajisai-san’s cheeks were painted red in an instant.
“A-answer today is…..eeehh…..? S-so that is…how surprising....”
“Eh? Y-yup…I’d planned to, after I did my best to think it over…”
At least that was what I thought…
For a while, Ajisai-san, who had her hands pressed to her chest, murmured, “...I-isn’t this too soon…? There’s still a lot of time until the one-month deadline after all…”
Did you really just say that?!
“Nah but, since I would keep the two of you waiting at this rate, isn't it better if I do this quickly?!”
“Y-you’re right about that but~... i-in the first place.”
Ajisai-san puffed out her cheeks, face still red, as she glowered at me from the corner of her eyes. Huh, did she really glower at me?!
“It makes me happy when you say that you thought about this properly, and I can also gladly wait if you want me to wait~.....but this isn’t something you can talk about at school, right in the morning where everyone is present, right~....Rena-chan…”
“That—that makes sense! I’m really sorry!”
As if she was trying to hide her embarrassed face from the rest of the class, Ajisai-san placed her hands on either side of her face and groaned.
My yelp echoed in the classroom right before homeroom started. Once again, everyone’s stares were focused on me. It was extremely embarrassing!
***
From that day on, the schedule was tight.
I kept going back and forth to Kaho-chan’s house.
For the costumes, we would use the cosplay of [Anima Maid!] from back then, the cat-ears and bunny-ears maid costumes. Kaho-chan modified the costumes down to the subtle details and made them appear even more gorgeous.
That wasn’t the problem at all. No, well the skin exposure was becoming a bit more extreme and it made me nervous—I also thought that wasn’t good at all. If I was being honest, I would definitely prefer to come on stage while wearing a full-body costume.
But there was an even bigger problem than that…
“P-performing…?!”
“Right right, each team is expected to perform around three minutes on the stage! After that, there will be voting at the venue and online. They’ll use the results then for deciding the ranking!”
I stared in shock at Kaho-chan as she showed me the video on her phone.
On the stage were cosplayers with gorgeous costumes. There was a pair who did sword battle…and another pair reenacting the scene from an anime…also yet another pair who was doing something like a live performance, doing a dance…
M-me and Kaho-chan, doing something like these…?
“You want me to do this—an ordinary high school freshman that somehow ended up in a decent position in the class?!”
“And so, we’re doing a special training from today!”
“By doing special training, what exactly are we going to do…? Won’t it just change the level from [amateur’s performance] into [amateur's+ performance]…?”
“Even so! Since it would become a plus, we should do it! After all, we’re doing this not because we don’t want to bring shame on us, but for the sake of showing our love for cosplaying!”
Gagaan. I felt like thunder had struck my head.
She was right… I knew nothing about cosplaying, but I’d be satisfied as long as I could be the tool to help Kaho-chan express her feelings.
Better yet, I should become the best tool ever to help her!
Kaho-chan had encouraged me when I had nothing but my insecurities. Even though she had her own worries, she kept tugging my hands along.
The results of the schedule until the summit completely made my mind unstable. While I was also affected by the deadline for my answer to their confessions, I felt a huge uneasiness, so much that I even began to lose track of time. “Even though I did nothing, somehow my Friday night suddenly became late night on Sunday?!”
One day, I decided to ask Kaho-chan.
“Hey, is this really alright…? I’m not an extraordinary beauty like Satsuki-san, and I’m also not someone with a brimming presence who naturally pulls everyone’s attention like Mai or Ajisai-san…”
It had always been like this. Until when would you keep becoming so anxious even though you were already determined to do it? I was so frustrated with myself that I became angry at myself.
Kaho-chan also always acted like this: she always faced this cowardly me properly.
“I…I have always, for a long time, wanted to do something with you, to have fun with Rena-chin again.”
“Kaho-chan…”
Inside the room, while she was using the sewing machine to fix the costume, Kaho-chan spoke, “But at that time, you had completely become a person from another world. I thought you already forgot every memory you spent with me.”
“That’s…”
I also had the same thought.
Kaho-chan had already lost every part of her from the past. She had completely grown into an optimistic, energetic, and very adorable girl. It convinced me that someone like me wouldn’t even enter her vision.
Even then, Kaho-chan had invited me again.
It wasn’t like we simply had a chat about anime and manga like the old days. Right now, Kaho-chan had brought me into a new world—the world she was engrossed in.
It was definitely something that resembled the moment I’d brought Kaho-chan into the world of manga.
That both of us were doing the same thing together.
“Being with Rena-chin is alright. Hey, I don’t know if you’ll end up liking cosplay, but, nevertheless, it would be great if you accompany me for a bit longer, Rena-chin. Let’s play together on top of that stage—together with me.”
Her hands on the sewing machine stopped. Looking a bit embarrassed with a red face, she looked up at me.
“Having fun like the old days…no, more than those days, spending a better time together!”
“If you invite me with that passion…”
I slid towards her and pulled her delicate body into an embrace.
“Of course I can’t turn you down! Kaho-chan! My best friend!”
Kaho-chan circled her arms around me. I could feel her body temperature. I smiled.
“Yaaay! Rena-chin!”
That moment, I finally felt that I could connect with the Kaho-chan from back then.
I definitely wanted to make this event a success. I definitely didn’t want to see her smile become sad. I was someone who others couldn’t rely on when I became too enthusiastic about something. Still, I wanted to properly hold onto and protect these feelings.
My days with Kaho-chan had intertwined once again.
Kaho-chan was the one who thought of and choreographed our performance. Day by day, we kept training while also improving our movements to polish our performance. During those days, I couldn’t help but enjoy the whole thing.
I ended up becoming lost in it. Sometimes I longed for the clock hands to keep going, or to stop at a certain moment.
Maybe Kaho-chan also had the same thoughts.
Once the summit began, these fun days would be over. That was why she might’ve thought she wanted this moment to last. Well, as expected, all of these might be only my mere wistful thinking, I guess?
It was just like those times at cram school, where we sat next to each other, hoping the short break before the class would continue—
—but even those days finally had their end.
The day when I arrived at a turning point in my life had finally arrived!
***
Once we entered October, the day for the Makuhari Cosplay Summit came.
It had been half a year since the opening ceremony. I, who had finally been able to go through everything that happened, made it to this place at last…
The result of me who kept running away from the battle against the small fries somehow brought me to face the last boss while I was still at beginner level. My chest felt like it was burning.
I promised to meet Kaho-chan that day at the nearest station from the event venue.
It seemed like there were also few anime-related events at the venue so the station was quite crowded. Looked like Kaho-chan’s claim about this event being one of the largest events in Japan wasn’t a lie.
While I was playing with my phone, Kaho-chan finally came with her case, arriving later than the designated time.
“Yahoo, Rena-chin! It sure is a great day for some cosplay, huh!”
Kaho-chan had her contact lens on and was in her normie mode. With a cheerful smile, she looked so blinding in her sparkling, cute everyday mode.
“Morning, Kaho-chan. Please take care of me for today.”
“Ahaha, let’s enjoy today. Just have fun!”
She smacked my shoulder. I felt like I could rely on her seeing her smile. I would fall for her at this rate.
“As expected from Kaho-chan…you look like you’re not nervous at all…”
“Well, that’s a given. A perfect socialite normie would never be nervous no matter which scene they’re in. Since they always think they stand at the center of the universe.”
“Is that how things go?! Well, they really do have that kind of image though!”
“But since I’m a recluse, of course it’s not something I can handle. Which is why I tried to preserve every single one of my normie modes by staying awake long enough to not be too sleepy for today, then quickly taking off my contacts just before I fell asleep.”
This skill-holder, she perfectly understood the way to use her power in the ultimate way.
“How strong…if only I had the same skill as you where I can self-suggest myself… Like I can instantly become a normie the moment I put my hair clip on my bangs.”
Tugging our cases, we walked toward the venue side by side.
“If it’s Rena-chin, you have audio hypnosis, right?”
That thing, huh…
“Whenever I listen to it, it makes me feel strange after all…”
Well, I had listened to it though. It might not have worked as well due to my sloppy efforts though.
Kaho-chan halted. Huh? And then she turned around.
“Made you feel strange is…eh?”
“Eh?”
Our eyes met. Kaho-chan blushed in an instant.
In just a short moment, sweat started gushing from my body.
“Eh, eh?! No, wait, Kaho-chan, what exactly are you imagining right now—I don’t have any idea, but?!”
“Nah~...how should I put this? Um, how should I say this…when I heard something like that straightly from my friend’s mouth, as expected, it's kinda embarrassing right~...nyahaha….”
I really had no idea what was going on inside her head, but she was probably misunderstanding something!
“You have it wrong! I was talking about your face that popped out strangely when I listened to the recordings, and then it reminded me of the things I’d said and done during the photoshoot. Plus, the moment I rolled around the floor after the mess I made! So, in short, you’re wrong, okay?! I totally didn’t have any dirty thoughts at all, alright?!”
While I was being hasty, we made it to the venue. For a while, we couldn’t look each other in the eyes. Did she think I’m a pervert again?! She got it wrong!
We followed the direction of the crowd and then arrived at the venue entrance. Kaho-chan signaled with her hand, asking me to follow after her. We walked away from the crowd.
“Huh? Kaho-chan, it’s that way?”
“Fufufufu, that’s right. Since we have the participant pass after all! This entrance is for authorized use only!”
“Authorized use only!”
At the back entrance, Kaho-chan went to the table and showed the staff her invitation. After that, we wrote our names on the attendance list, then received two name tags and was led inside. It made me nervous.
The name tag under my neck had [Cosplay Summit’s Participant] written on it. We weren’t in the world of Alice in Wonderland, but I felt like we had arrived at another world. Well, I would be Rabbit today though. Kaho-chan would be the Cheshire Cat, I guess…
We walked down the corridor, and then they directed us toward the locker room.
It was quite spacious, and it seemed like all the participants would change here. Me and Kaho-chan had our designated lockers placed next to each other. The locker even had a lock on it. How convenient.
The staff told us to gather thirty minutes before the event started. After that, they left the room.
In short, err, we had plenty of time. Also, there was still no one here.
I wondered what I should do now. Should I change now? I peeked at Kaho-chan.
Kaho-chan was trying to stuff her belongings in the locker. She turned around.
“Yossha, Rena-chin! Why don’t we take a quick look around the venue?”
“Eh, is it okay to not stay here?”
“I bet it’ll be alright! Let’s simply enjoy this like how normies do it! Go go!”
“Wa, wawawa.”
Kaho-chan pulled on my arm and we walked along the path that led us toward the main venue.
The moment the door opened, the heat and spotlights made it seem like we’d arrived at the planetarium. A few stages already seemed to be having their own events with anime corners. The whole venue was bustling.
“Somehow, this is amazing…”
The light fixtures sparkled like stars in the skies. This might have been the reason I had the impression we were inside the planetarium earlier.
This was another galaxy made of a lot of different forms of what people ‘liked’. It was so beautiful, my breath caught in my throat.
“Ahaha, this is amazing, right!”
Kaho-chan laughed and tugged on my hand again. At that moment, she seemed like the star that shone the most brightly in this new universe.
Someone who wouldn’t lose against anyone in this place. Someone so strong, someone who looked radiant.
“And of course, we’re going to be part of that amazing thing, okay!”
Aah, how stunning.
Kaho-chan always went straight to the thing she liked.
Something that I had once held—the glimmers I’d let go from long ago—were things Kaho-chan still held dear even now. She was so brilliant in my eyes, I couldn’t help but envy her. If I kept behaving this way, I might lag behind her forever.
Ever since the beginning, since the day I started to properly consider my relationship with Mai and Ajisai-san, since the moment when I reached out to her, Kaho-chan’s feelings of ‘like’ that she showed, I wondered if everything was because I’d wanted to understand.
Because I was sure that her feelings were something that resembled that of ‘love’.
“Yup!”
As Kaho-chan and I walked around the venue and looked at the stages, we became excited. We approached a few booths and got to rest our eyes seeing the female guides at each booth. We really had a trip around this whimsical space.
Since it was an anime event, there were a lot of cosplayers strolling around the venue. While we passed by, Kaho-chan couldn’t hold back her voice of excitement.
“Uwoo, to think that popular person is also present!” she’d say, before proceeding to talk in detail about that person. Because Kaho-chan, who was stanning her stan, had a higher spirit than the usual Kaho-chan at school, she kept saying “Like, like, I really like them, I love them~!”. I ended up laughing when I saw her in her fangirl mode.
And so, it was finally time to go back to the locker room.
That was the moment when I realized that it was our turn to become those stars.
“This stage sure seems narrower than it appeared to be, huh, Kaho-chan.”
“Yup. Even though it looked so wide from the live-stream. I wonder if it’s a kind of technique to make it wider than the appearance? I don’t get it, but it sure is awesome.”
Both of us had already changed into our costumes, and we were in the middle of doing our makeup.
The locker room was now cramped since we’d carved out a space for our personal use so we wouldn’t bother other participants.
At that moment, an odd shadow moved closer, which turned out to be another participant.
Ha. This is bad. I didn’t know the proper etiquette for cosplayers… Could it be that the right thing to do was exchanging something like a business card beforehand…?! Even Kaho-chan seemed like she had politely greeted each of the participants before…
Crap. Did I mess something up again? Right when I thought of that—
“We meet again, Nagipo!”
I was attacked by a loud voice. My ears buzzed.
Kaho-chan, who was sitting in front of me, stood up suddenly. “Mumumu! That voice is!”
What was it, what was it? Suddenly the situation had changed into something that resembled a battle genre. I would really appreciate it if you stop it. It was scary after all.
“So, you’re here! The current JC Cosplayer! Serāra・Serararāra!”
“JC?!”
That was surprising. Along with my yelp, from every direction I could hear voices:
“A middle school student?!”
“What sort of person, that’s too young…!”
“Doing cosplay using their parents’ money!”
There were a few hostile comments also mixed in there.
Her eyes, which looked displeased, became more irritated as she stared at Kaho-chan.
“Who the heck is that? It’s Serara! Your eternal rival!”
Standing in front of us was a younger girl carrying an assault rifle, looking like a pretty soldier.
Ah, I knew this game! It was a character from the FPS game that I played!
Uwaa, the costumes were really well-made. How adorable. Amazing. It made me excited.
I wondered whether her perfect facial features and flawless lookalike to the youthful character was due to her exceptional makeup skills.
Middle-schoolers nowadays sure looked so mature, huh… Or could it be that this girl was a special case? Well, I didn’t have any kouhaiI adored after all, so the one who I could use for comparison was my little sister.
…hm? Little sister?
Huh? This girl, I saw her before…
“Eh?!”
While she squinted at me suspiciously, it seemed like she noticed before I did.
“Big Sis-senpai?!”
“Eh……………”
Practically nobody called me -senpai, whether they were from elementary, middle, and high school. In short, someone who called me that was—
“Lil sis’...”
If I concentrated and observed her, her face had changed since she’d applied makeup for cosplaying, but this was no doubt my little sister’s friend who had come over during summer break. Ah, that particular girl who was being so pushy?!
“W-why are you, in a place like this…”
“That’s my line!”
It was Seira-san…or no, right now, she was Serara-chan, and she was currently pointing her gun at Nagipo-chan.
“You’re being unfair, don’t you think?! Why on earth would you bring over Big Sis-senpai! You brought an extremely tough mercenary from outside, don’t you think~!”
Uu, my chest hurt. So Serara-chan thought of me as one of the strong characters… Before, I’d talked a lot about being best friends with Mai, or the business card thing from Mai’s mother in front of my little sister after all…
No, this would be fine. Kaho-chan also thought of me as a normie after all! That was why I shouldn’t say anything careless!
As expected, Kaho-chan flashed a smug grin.
“Fu, fu, fu. This is my true power. I would use any means possible for the sake of winnying.”
With her usual way of speaking, Kaho-chan laughed cynically.
“This, this~!”
Serara-chan pulled the trigger of her rifle in frustration. But of course, nothing fired off from the muzzle. Even so, Kaho-chan clutched her stomach dramatically and uttered, “Guhaa.” She sure had a nice reaction.
“Now you can say something so brazen like that… Once you see my partner, you will definitely cry until you vomit your guts. Prepare to take off your wig and prostrate before me~!”
Hearing that, Kaho-chan perked up and asked, “And where’s this partner of yours?”
“It’s not time to meet yet, so…” Serara-chan averted her gaze awkwardly.
“I see…and if they didn’t make it, it’s disqualification, huh…Betrayal to the fans who supported you…a huge turmoil in the internet…exile to the edge of the world…and then retirement…”
“I don’t need your mouth that’s only spouting nonsense!”
Bang bang, bang bang bang bang. Kaho-chan’s body turned into something that resembled a bee’s nest. I ended up delivering a monologue in my head.
As I watched whatever was unfolding in front of me, Serara-chan pointed her gun at me. Eh.
“How dare you…even though you’re a beauty, someone who appeared so charming, to think that you’re the enemy all along… You sure are betraying my heart, huh~......!”
“Uu.”
For real? So she really thought of me like that… I-I’m sorry, I really wanted to apologize. I didn’t want people to hate me after all!
Kaho-chan, who was supposed to have already been killed by the gun, woke up. She stood before me and shielded me.
“Serāra・Serararāra, you have it wrong. Rena-chin is simply doing the things she wanted to do. It’s not something that deserves to be rebuked by other people.”
“Stop calling me like you’re saying Bōbobo like that!”
Serara-chan stuck out her tongue at us.
“Whatever, just do as you like! Let’s decide this on the stage! As if I care about Oozuka Mai! Since I’m far cuter anyway~!”
Serara-chan stomped back to her own locker.
No, well, that was nerve-wracking. Good grief… To think that I’d met an acquaintance in a place like this, what a coincidence…
Next to me, Kaho-chan slowly opened her mouth.
“Her parting words just now really sounded like a dog that ran with its tail between its legs, meow…”
“...that’s…well, indeed.”
I nodded quietly.
Anyway, who exactly could Serara-chan’s partner be…?
Could it be that…this was just a mere speculation but—it wouldn’t be Haruna, right?! Spare me from that!
We finished preparing our costumes, then moved toward the backstage.
There, Kaho-chan told me about Serara-chan. It seemed like they had cosplayed together before. Then, somehow they got into a quarrel, and since then she saw Kaho-chan as her enemy.
Forget angering people. Kaho-chan would never make anyone feel bad in the first place. Her social proficiency was on par with Ajisai-san after all. Which was why, as long as she didn’t deliberately pissed off people, I couldn’t imagine anyone would detest her, but…
With a gloomy tone, the Kaho-chan told me, “Well, there’s a lot going on between cosplayers after meowall…like jealousy or resentment…” Thus, ever since then, Kaho-chan never invited anyone for a joint cosplaying.
“It was a world grimmer than high school…”
Sounded like something I couldn’t survive in.
“But well, since I like it, the moment I decided to walk this path, I no longer had any option other than to keep going ahead even if there are troubles. Putting on my normie armor, you see.”
“Isn’t that tiring?”
“I do feel that sometimes. I don’t really like battling with others anyway.”
Are you sure? You almost knocked me with that stone back then though…
“But well, this is something I want to do after all. If I’m not facing my own desires, then I would become nothing.”
She looked up toward the stage as she said that.
“That’s why I really pushed myself to encourage the shy side of me. I burned up my will to fight for the sake of facing the obstacles. Even though I might make enemies, I wanted to become the one that attracts everyone’s attention the most. And so, it pushed me to keep doing my best for the sake of becoming the best!”
Swish. Kaho-chan thrusted her index finger high into the air.
I'd already heard the real her talked before, so I knew she was putting on a false sense of bravery. Wait, no, I couldn’t really say that everything was the absolute truth. Since for me, I was sure that both sides of her showed her true feelings.
The Kaho-chan who always thought she didn’t deserve to stand on the huge stage. Or the Kaho-chan who was determined to beat every one of her rivals for the sake of being the best. It was a matter of which side she chose to show in front of others. At this point, the only thing I could do was to not be a hindrance for her.
After that, the lights dimmed, and the event instructions were announced. The participants with the highest number of votes would receive a certain amount of money and other benefits.
Kaho-chan whispered to me, “This event is of course going to be broadcasted through live stream. If we manage to increase our popularity, it can boost our follower count, which can make it possible to increase the rate of the photoshoot event. On top of that, the whole business itself could also flourish better.”
“I see…”
I didn’t really know how amazing the scale was, but I nodded anyway.
Come to think of it, I wondered whether Serara-chan’s partner came. I’d scanned the room earlier, but I didn’t know who she’d come with. As I zoned out, the briefing came to an end.
“Errr, so in short…we line up at the stage in the beginning, and then we go back backstage, and it continues with each group going up on stage and doing their performance, right?”
“Exactly! We’re so close to the real thing that this warrior (me) is trembling.”
It still didn’t feel real to me.
No matter how I looked at it, the other cosplayers seemed so impressive, it was a feast for the eyes. To think that these people were competing with me, how unbelievable….
It was just, there was no time for me to falter. They called for us to take the stage.
At that moment, I couldn’t hear any sound as I walked into a world basked in bright lights—
“Well then, the contestants are gathered here today. Let’s hear their introductions in order. Please tell us your name, the character you’re cosplaying, and anything else you would like to highlight to the audience—”
Looking down from the stage, I could see a lot of spectators.
A countless number of stares. Stares. Stares. Stares.
Everyone was staring at me.
What was this?
My vision darkened.
At that moment, I realized.
Ah, this is impossible.
The wonderful cosplayers began their self-introductions in order.
My vision was becoming distorted.
This was a stage limited only to those with ‘talents’.
This wasn’t a place for someone like me, an ordinary high schooler who came here driven by a series of random events. This wasn’t a place for someone so half-heartedly doing this.
Someone suited for this stage was either Mai or people who did their best in cosplaying, someone like Kaho-chan. People who deserved to be acknowledged by a lot of people.
All I wanted to do was to run away from the stage, but my legs wouldn’t budge. The time wouldn’t stop, and it was my turn when Kaho-chan handed over the mic to me. I was stiff all over.
“My name is Renakoala—”
The words that I’d repeated over and over during practice flowed out flatly like a robot's voice.
In the midst of not knowing what I was saying, my turn was over.
I handed over the mic to the next person. I felt like I’d just exhibited the don'ts to a lot of people with my introduction.
I hung my head in shame.
Aah.
To think that I messed up in this place. What the heck had I wanted to do?
Did I want to be Kaho-chan’s power on this stage?
Did I want to be closer to the place where Mai and Ajisai-san stood?
Did I think that I could like myself a bit more by standing on the stage?
The piercing stage lights on me melted my toughened resolve.
And with this, my heart was completely—
Suddenly, easily, very very simply—
Torn apart.
Alright… Up on stage, I clenched my fists and made a decision.
Once this session ended, I would apologize to everyone. I’d tell them the truth was that I was a pathetic recluse who deceived everyone. Then I’d ask for mercy.
And then, I would go home to Australia. While clutching the eucalyptus tree, spending 20 hours a day sleeping… Goodbye, human society… I would only bring my phone.
While I was still stricken by grief, the time kept ticking.
It was finally down to the final pair. There were 16 people on the stage, and I was the only one who had nothing.
Aah, now come to think of it, who was Serara-chan’s partner?
At that moment, a thunderous applause could be heard. It seemed like it was someone famous.
Might as well take a look at their face while I was still a functioning human being.
The one who stood there was—
“My name is Moon. At this event, I’m going to cosplay as Phantom from PEAK.”
She was a gorgeous soldier with her long, jet-black hair tied up, a gun gripped in her hands.
I clamped my hands over my mouth to stop from making noise, but I was screaming inside.
You’re Satsuki-san!
“Why?!”
Once backstage, both of us stormed to Serara-chan’s team.
“Ahahaha! Defeated Nagipo!”
As if to show that Satsuki-san was hers, Serara-chan wrapped her arm around Satsuki-san’s waist, puffed up with pride.
“When your previous cosplay photos came out, I came directly to her and managed to bring her over to my side~ Now we’re even, since you also totally rely on your partner over there, right?!”
“Gununu! Why are you doing this, Saa-chan?! Aren’t we supposed to be in a relationship where we love each other?! Why?!” Kaho-chan shouted things that would totally invite misunderstandings from a lot of people.
Moon-san opened her mouth, her face expressionless.
“I’m okay with anything as long as I get the cash. That’s why I accepted the one who approached me first.”
“Waaa! Saa-chan, you stupid!”
“A professional mercenary…”
Kaho-chan ran off. I trembled before Satsuki-san, who hadn't moved a single facial muscle.
I was supposed to feel empty just now, but due to Satsuki-san’s sudden appearance, the shock was far too great and a lot of things ended up being blown away…
Putting that aside, when I compared Moon-san’s beauty with the others, she really was on a different level.
“What’s that?”
“I bet she’s a pro that was hired from a professional agency…”
“Somehow a real model appeared though…”
I could feel gazes directed at her with those kinds of eyes.
Well, that was a given though!
Moon-san folded her arms and stared at me, looking displeased. Eh?!
“Anyway, you over there. Don’t you think you’re mistaking me as someone else? It’s our first meeting, right? I’m Moon-san, a wandering cosplayer. I don’t need any other name.”
Even though she had been completely busted, she still insisted on keeping this up, huh…
“Does your ID have ‘Moon’ written on it…?”
“Yeah. From my personal ID to my library card, they have ‘Moon’ written on it.”
“I see…”
I couldn’t answer with anything else, so I put on an ‘I see’ expression.
Serara-chan tightened her embrace on Moon-san’s arm, and then in a sweet voice, she said, “Well then, since we’re close to our performance time, we’re going ahead~ Ufufu, let’s go, Moon onee-sama~♡ Ah, ah, Moon onee-sama, too fast, you’re walking too fast! Don’t leave me behind!”
I was dumbfounded as I watched them walk away.
But somehow…yeah. Seeing Moon-san recognizing her own beauty and monetizing it gave me peace of mind. I truly wished for her to continue to use her beauty and lead a happy life.
Cheers from the audience burst from the stage and I instantly snapped back to the present. The feelings that had been driven away for a brief moment were pulled back by the blinding light from the stage.
Right, I’d been beaten down while I was on stage, and ended up getting so scared I couldn’t move my body even an inch. That was why, to keep going on would be impossible. I needed to tell Kaho-chan about this…
I searched for Kaho-chan in the dim backstage.
The gloomy feelings stabbed my stomach and spread through my body like gushing blood.
I found her. I wondered how I should talk to her. If I frankly said something like, “I’m sorry for not being able to fulfill your expectations,” I bet she wouldn’t forgive me that easily. Since I’d selfishly turned my back on her like this.
My heart hurt.
But I no longer had any other choice…
Humans had their own limits.
Someone like me couldn’t soar in the skies. That was why…
I found Kaho-chan hunched in the corner. A female staff member was squatting next to her.
…? I wondered what happened.
Without thinking it through, I carelessly approached them.
The lady kept bowing her head as she apologized.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, this only happened because I bumped into you…”
Eh.
“Kaho-chan, are you okay?”
I ended up calling her by her real name. Crap.
Even so, Kaho-chan flashed her usual peace sign while smiling stiffly.
“I-it’s alright, totally alright…don’t worry. We’re in the middle of an event and I know you must be busy. It was also my mistake since I stood there absentmindedly.”
The lady checked Kaho-chan’s costume from every angle. It seemed like there had been no damage on the costume. What a relief.
Once again, the lady bowed her head and then returned to her duties.
It was great that nothing had happened. No, well, it wasn’t that good but… Even so, I would definitely never think it would be great if Kaho-chan ended up with an injury. I had to take responsibility for my own weakness after all.
“Listen, Nagipo-chan… You see, umm, actually I…”
It felt as bitter as rejecting someone’s confession. There was a heaviness on my stomach.
I couldn’t do this. It was impossible. Right, if I could, I would never say those words again for the rest of my life, but—
But, the impossible was impossible.
I ended up thinking that I should ask the lady from earlier to let Kaho-chan go on stage by herself. As if she was cold, Kaho-chan hugged her body tightly.
“...Nagipo-chan?”
“No…”
While still looking down, Kaho-chan murmured, “While I was fixing my contact lenses…we bumped…and my lenses fell somewhere…”
Eh.
I also didn’t move.
Right as I turned to sprint off, Kaho-chan grabbed my hand.
“If I can make it to the locker room, I can take your spare contact lenses.”
“You won’t make it. The crowds have filled the whole venue. You won’t make it back here in time.”
Then, errr, then…
“Let’s look for the contact lens then!”
“Yup…ah, but the costume would get dirty!”
Kaho-chan stopped me as I started to crouch down to search for it.
I peered at Kaho-chan’s face, my stomach churning like it always did on a crowded train.
At this rate, Kaho-chan would…
“It would be painful for you, Kaho-chan…”
I understood., Something like normie cosplay sounded like an odd self-suggestion. But for Kaho-chan, it was a charm she could rely on every time.
She giggled, still hanging her head.
“It’s okay, don’t worry… I still have the other one after all, so I still can see well…”
“Ah, err…is it okay if it’s only one side?”
“No, not really but…”
“So it’s not good after all!” I ended up shouting.
Kaho-chan lowered her head, looking dejected.
“That’s right…someone like me is totally not good. This is the end…”
“Kaho-chan?! Wait a minute, eh you’re joking, right? Kaho-chan?!”
“Why would I come to this kind of place anyway… Even though my cosplaying track record was in the bottom tier. I ended up getting too ahead of myself… I bet the livestream will be filled with hate comments…I don’t want this…I want to cry…”
“I understand your feelings, but—!”
What was with this situation…?
Our turn was inching closer with each passing second, but Kaho-chan kept destroying her own confidence with her recluse self.
Once Serara-chan and Moon-san ascended the stage, our chance of winning would be hopeless…but let’s put that aside for now. I also had my heart crushed from my previous moment on stage.
This was the worst. I felt so awful right now. I just wanted to lie down.
If things had turned out like this, it was fine for the two of us to withdraw from the event, right? Even Kaho-chan had become like this. You can run when you want to run away. You don’t need to push yourself and let yourself pile up bad memories.
Even though I really thought that from the depths of my heart…
“Honestly, I could understand how you feel right now, but! If you say something like that, what should I do? I got roped into this situation?! I’m a nobody... I would definitely get attacked by the haters, you know?!”
The words that came out of my mouth sounded like I had yet to give up.
That was because—
I knew how strong Kaho-chan’s feelings for cosplay were from the way she spoke about them.
“The costumes that I made were completely not fit for display. It’s something I like doing but am bad at…in short, the outfits aren’t fit to be seen by other people…if it’s for the sake of wearing them, Rena-chin would be alright, but if someone ugly like me showed up like wearing it, it would be gross, right…”
“Are you really saying that?!”
Without thinking, I grabbed Kaho-chan’s shoulders with all my might.
“That’s, well, yeah…”
Kaho-chan nodded as she averted her gaze.
I could understand the reason and I also thought that it couldn’t be helped.
But still, that was why!
To think that she really looked down on every hardship she had experienced until now…!
Kaho-chan, who held her frustration before me, looked like someone who had kept holding back and this was the backlash from everything she had to endure.
Her mouth spilled out her dejected thoughts like the Niagara Waterfall.
“I’m just a gloomy person after all. I’m someone who can’t really call on others for photoshoot events, so I ended up asking for Saa-chan and Rena-chin’s help… Still, people misunderstand my intention…the truth is, I know my own limits…
“It’s quite hierarchical in the cosplayer’s world, you see…cosplayers at huge events and part of the industry are basically treated like Gods, but for me, that’s just a mere dream…at school for example, I’m only a small fry who loiters around the popular kids…
“Honestly, the organizer who extended the invitation to this is also cruel… if they show me this world like a dream, I would feel on a cloud nine, right…but despite that, I still took a week to decide whether I should accept it or not…if only I’d faced reality from the beginning…
“In the end, you really need to acknowledge your status, right… Even for people who say they like baseball, they would be eager to enter a leading school, and once they become part of the team, they would definitely get bored if they just kept being asked to pick up balls from the ground… People have to be in a place that suits their ability after all…
“I lack popularity, skills, and followers. Even if I keep chasing after my dream, I would only hurt myself…An outcast should behave like an outcast. It wouldn’t do them any good if they disturbed other people’s sight. They’re better off living their life by staying in the corner…
“Don’t get it wrong, don’t be conceited, don’t ride the moment, I need to properly condemn myself… No matter how many times my fans tell me they like me, I’m only just a water flea after all, which is why I shouldn’t forget these thoughts…
“I really am so ugly I hate it… I want to die… I’m also so short I’m basically a pipsqueak. I’m also stupid. Nobody likes me. I have no dreams or any hope…I just want to quietly erase my memories from people’s minds… I want to redo everything from elementary school…”
I placed my hands on her shoulders.
“Kaho-chan…”
I stared into Kaho-chan’s eyes with a clear gaze.
“Rena-chin.”
Kaho-chan slowly raised her face. The light that shone in her eyes was the colour of sorrow.
Towards this kind of Kaho-chan, I—
“This jerk!”
“――?!”
Without holding back, I struck my forehead against hers. It hurt!
“Wh-what are you doing?!”
Kaho-chan stepped back and pressed on her forehead. Tears welled up in her eyes. I was also the same.
“I kept listening to your prattle without saying anything since earlier, but you sure said a lot of awful stuff, huh! I even thought that my chest would get torn and my organs would spill over if I kept listening!”
“But everything’s the truth.”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
I desperately clamped my hands over my ears, lost in agony.
Every single one of Kaho-chan’s words was like a thorn that pierced my body.
If her words were thorns, I’d basically look like a hedgehog with every word stabbing me across my body.
Standing before me, Kaho-chan looked frightened. For some reason, she reminded me of someone. Myself.
Being confessed to by Mai and Ajisai-san, getting so lost about it, and becoming filled with dread.
“In this world, I have something I definitely, absolutely cannot forgive…”
“Re-Rena-chin…?”
“That is someone who keeps depreciating their own value even though they clearly are blessed with everything!”
I gritted my teeth and crouched down until my eyes were at the same level as hers. And then I shouted.
“What the heck is ugly! Does every mirror in your house break or what?! No matter how you see it, Kaho-chan is a total beauty! Are you not aware of that fact?!”
“No, but—”
“I get it. I finally get it now! Everything you said to me on that day! The reason why you smacked my forehead while getting so angry, I finally get it! On top of it, everything really bounced back to me so much that I felt like dying! I’ll live though!!”
“What are you saying—”
“Listen here, Kaho-chan. You are cuter than me, you are smarter than me, you are more popular than me in school. Now imagine, how miserable would I feel if you depreciated yourself like you did just now?! If you’re a water flea, then what am I? Paramecium?!”
“That wasn’t my intention—”
“Of course! But still, even though you didn’t intend to, it would come off like that right?! For an outcast to behave like an outcast and live their lives in the corner while not crossing other people’s sight, right?! Alright, I get it! Argh, how noisy!”
Kaho-chan scowled at me.
“But you—you were confessed to by MaiMai and Aa-chan right? If you are paramecium, then is being the First Lady of America the only way to be considered as human then?! Stop making fools of everyone!”
“Right, of course, now I’m finally able to understand not only your mind but also your soul! In short, this is something like that!”
This was what they meant by grass is always greener than the other side! It really was a great proverb!
If only people could feel others’ grief through their lenses, I bet 90% of conflicts would be gone from this world.
For me this past month, I had already become so lost I could almost be knocked over.
I couldn’t help but feel envious of Kaho-chan, who was able to keep chasing after her dreams in the world of sparkles. I always thought that she had no worries while living days full of joy.
But just like me, Kaho-chan also felt envious of me. That day when I depreciated myself in front of her, Kaho-chan must’ve also felt miserable.
I stared at her face.
“No matter what people say, you deserve to stand on that stage, Kaho-chan. You already did so much up until this point, right? You don’t have to pay any attention to others. Let’s knock them to the dust. You also want to have the greatest moment, right? Since you like cosplaying and all, right?”
“Even though you said that…”
Kaho-chan looked daunted. As expected, she must be frightened.
“Actually, you really are thankful for the chance, since this is your dream, right? That’s why, you see, please stop hurting yourself with every excuse. Just think of every reason that allows you to stand right here. This moment is your chance. You understand that, right? That you definitely can’t let this chance go.”
My words came out naturally
Because these words were things I’d always said and wanted to do for my own sake.
To have people as lovely as Mai and Ajisai-san liking someone like me sounded ridiculously impossible after all. As the clock ticked, I was keeping the two of them waiting for me. I wondered how huge my sins were for that.
Instead of feeling grave regret by declining them both, it would be better if I responded to their feelings, even if the relationship might fall apart later. I was sure of it.
Even I could understand that much.
Fair arguments built on pretty words, of course it stung my ears.
Kaho-chan cast down her eyes as if she was suffering.
“I understand. Something like this is really obvious without you needing to spell it out. I already know… But still, I don’t want that… Like being laughed at by a lot of people, getting hate, I don’t want that…”
Behind the dark stage, two shadows—us—huddled close together.
Our turns approached as the clock ticked onwards.
As if giving my heart a rich amount of oxygen, I breathed in deeply.
I understood the feelings of not wanting to be hated by people. At that moment, I realized this wretched side of me.
I also understood that if I kept forcing Kaho-chan more than this, it would backfire and probably make her despise me.
“...hey, Kaho-chan.”
In the end, I was convinced I couldn’t go on without telling her.
If you asked me what the reason was…
It was because the me who ‘liked’ myself, existed only at the end of this path.
Someone who was always here, someone who always watched over me.
Amaori Renako.
I didn’t want to be hated by her.
“Let’s go, Kaho-chan. I will stay right next to you.”
“You’re saying this because, Rena-chin…you have nothing to lose…”
“That’s true.”
Right now, Kaho-chan might feel that every drop of her hardships was on the verge of destruction. Her attachment to her hobby, the voice of her fans who supported her, every effort she poured into this—everything.
The things that she piled up little by little could turn into nothingness in mere seconds, like a bubble in the sea.
Those memories would leave a deep scar inside her mind. She might be hurt every time she remembers that moment.
“But still, I can imagine it.”
I touched Kaho-chan’s cheeks gently.
Cupping her face, I stared straight into her eyes.
“The regrets where you chose to do nothing would always linger inside you. Actually I was able to do it, I would’ve been able to accomplish it had I done it. You would keep repeating those thoughts to deceive yourself. I don’t want that. No matter how miserable things might turn out, I don’t want you to run away from things that you like.”
“Why?” she asked me. “Why do you think that way?”
“That’s because…”
The memories of the past half year played out inside my mind.
The series of challenges that kept coming to me.
It was full of things I couldn't do, and it was frustrating. I even spent a lot of nights crying under my covers. I had run away many times, but in the end, I chose to accept everything and faced it head on.
“Because I like it.”
My friends.
People who thought of me.
People who shaped me this far.
Everyone.
Towards them—
“Since I like it, I don’t want to betray this feeling.”
The face came to my mind, the face of someone I held dear.
And then it was gone in an instant. In exchange, before me, Kaho-chan’s wide eyes gazed at me.
“Rena-chin…”
Kaho-chan stretched out her hands timidly.
“I might mess up with today’s performance.”
“Yeah.”
“I’d already forgotten most of the things we practiced. This is really the worst.”
“Yeah.”
“I might really, really cause trouble for you.”
“Yeah.”
I nodded my head.
“The same goes for me.”
I grabbed Kaho-chan’s hand, and then decided to tell her the truth.
“You see, I shouldn’t say this to you, but the truth is, people’s eyes scare me. Since I always think that people would think bad of me, like, how boring, just hurry and get it done, thoughts like that.”
“I see.”
“Honestly I can’t say I have the confidence to make sure that everything will go smoothly. Even now, my hands are trembling. I also really want to run away, and right now I feel nauseous.”
“...thank you for not running away.”
Kaho-chan tugged on my hand.
And then she embraced me.
“Let’s fail together. And then, we can laugh about this while saying, that sure was the worst. Since Rena-chin is here, I feel like I'm no longer afraid.”
“Yeah.”
I closed my eyes.
I could feel Kaho-chan.
The sound of a heart rapidly beating—I was sure that this wasn't only mine.
It was like we were synchronized.
It was like seeing my own reflection in a mirror, which might be why we were both only able to show half our powers. But that was also why when we joined the halves of us, we would become one.
“I’m glad you’re with me, Rena-chin.”
The voice that entered my ears wasn’t the voice from the usual bright and cheerful Kaho-chan. She sounded so unreliable, her trembling voice colored in insecurity.
Still, I was sure that the Kaho-chan right now was the girl who I’d known since back then.
I pushed myself to smile, and then spoke in a lively tone, “Yup… I want to make special memories, just between the two of us.”
The staff called our name, and then we walked toward the stage.
I couldn’t stop myself from seeing the stage, basked in the sea of lights, as the most blinding place in this world.
Extra - Minaguchi Kaho's Story
It was true that unlike school, there probably weren’t any rules forbidding manga in class.
Still, the girl who sat next to her looked so immersed while reading the manga magazine she’d brought. It was like she was absorbed in her own world.
Even the glasses girl who observed her felt like holding her breath when seeing the girl’s behavior.
The thick book in her hand was a manga magazine that was intended for boys. That girl who read the magazine kept switching her expressions. She really had a rich amount of expressions that she displayed, it was striking.
Finally, the girl finished the magazine and snapped it shut. Haa. She let out a sigh.
In an instant, their eyes met. She’d discovered the glasses girl observing her. It was because the glasses girl found her interesting. The glasses girl felt awkward, so she averted her gaze.
“Ah, err, want to read this?”
The girl handed her the magazine. Since it was so sudden, the glasses girl ended up taking it. The glasses girl couldn’t help but think that the girl was the type to light-heartedly chat with people around her like this. It shocked her.
“...I have never, read this before.”
“Eeh, really?! Then, I really recommend this…aah, but then you won’t be able to read it from the first chapter! What should I do? Ah, then, let me bring the tankoubon next time!”
Eeeh…? And so, with that kind of forceful manner, the glasses girl got roped in. Even then, the glasses girl didn’t really mind it.
The manga girl flipped back to the table of contents and started talking about which one had the interesting story.
Well, she didn’t really mind since she had nothing to do while waiting for the class to start, but…
“And then, you see this boy, I have no words other than cool to describe him…! Hey, he’s really good-looking don’t you think?! He always behaves like this, but he’s really considerate about his comrades, it's really filled with passionate friendship!”
Seeing her eyes light up like she was in love, the glasses girl couldn’t hold in her laughter, and then she ended up getting drawn into her world.
That girl only attended cram school for half a year and then stopped coming, and the glasses girl felt disappointed that she could no longer talk to her. But thanks to her influence, she ended up liking manga.
Looking forward to Monday every week, drawing her favorite characters, writing original characters in her favorite world.
Kaho, who somehow ended up devoted to her otaku hobby, started to enter the world of cosplay. It also could be said that this was inevitable.
Her mother was always good at arts and crafts anyway, and she had a sewing machine in her house. When Kaho was still a child, she liked to make handcrafted items or use beads to create something.
In the end, she started to wonder how it would feel if she wore the same costumes as her favorite characters… Excited, she brought up the courage and tried to sew her own costumes. This was during her first year of middle school.
Using her new phone that she had received from her new mother as a present, she took secret selfies and uploaded them onto social media. After that, she received a lot of compliments.
Kaho ended up getting into cosplaying since it allowed her to express her love for her favorite series, and she also could also fulfill her longing for others’ approval.
Her activities went well, and parallel to her feelings that became stronger, her followers count also displayed positive results. She also participated in a lot of events and got to know a lot of acquaintances.
At the beginning, she cosplayed with feelings of ‘fun’ and ‘like’ at the foundation.
But when the number of events she participated increased—when her followers multiplied—those feelings gradually changed.
It wasn’t only the matter of enjoying things you like. She realized she also needed to put up with a lot of hardships. She needed to be considerate of a lot of things, and she started to be mindful of people’s way of seeing her. She started to worry about her social life.
She understood perfectly from the beginning that doing something like this didn’t suit her personality at all. She was a reserved girl that always hesitated when it came to registering for an event. She was also often feeling upset when she thought that the costumes she made wouldn't suit someone like her.
Kaho started to lose sight of her feelings of enjoyment and began to think she could no longer continue as a cosplayer. Only the times where she tried to become a heroine she longed to be, when she was able to cover the pathetic side of hers.
—if so!
At the end of her days of agony, she had an idea. It would be okay if she kept cosplaying on a daily basis.
It was a great idea. She made a new version of herself for the sake of her passion, and she started to play her part as a bright and cheerful girl.
Someone dazzling, someone charming, a positive girl who always laughed and brought joy to people around her. She became someone with a bit of a careless side, tried to not talk trash about others, and became someone who was loved by everyone.
That was it.
Let’s become her.
The girl who she’d spent half the year with.
Act like that girl, be her.
And just like that, starting from the day she made up her mind, she started to work hard.
That time, Kaho didn’t imagine that once she started high school, she would once again be reunited with the heroine she’d always looked up to.
*****
Credit:
TL and everything else: Meatbun
Proofread: Lyra
0 Komentar