I'm not sure but I think I need to put an R-15 warning alert for this chapter, just in case.
*****
Ajisai-san and I faced each other across the table.
“Umm...”
Once again, I declared my intention towards Ajisai-san, who looked completely troubled, “We’re splitting the bills if I win this match!”
“That’s not the problem though…”
“No, I don’t want that! I can’t accept it if you pay for everything, including my part! If you really do that, then it would have been better if I hadn’t tagged along with you in the first place! It would be better if I go home now!”
Ah the words came flying out of my mouth! This was the end!
“That’s too bad then.”
No, this wasn’t the end! I wouldn’t let this end!
“I’m not going home though! I am definitely not going home! I’ll just book a room next to you, and stick with you wherever you go! If you don’t want that, then win this table tennis match!”
“Rena-chan, you really have been saying absurd stuff since earlier…”
It wasn’t absurd at all! This had happened with Mai and Satsuki-san before! I was a woman who would win her battle to move forward!
We borrowed the paddles and the ping-pong ball, then headed to the table tennis area.
Two high school girls wearing yukatas, holding ping pong paddles in their hands.
In the end, to convince her, all I had to do was to throw a tantrum until she yielded.
Who cared about pride!
I no longer had anything like that from the moment I lowered my head to my little sister for the sake of becoming a normie!
“And so, let’s start our match!”
“Aah, geez.”
Before Ajisai-san could say more, I made my first serve.
The ball moved to her position, and Ajisai-san effortlessly returned the ball. Wait, wait, wait a minute?! She was good!
“If I win this, you will accept my condition right, Rena-chan?”
Tack!
“Right. I’ll leave that for later, since I will come up with another plan if I lose this.”
Tack!
“Huh? That’s unfair! Then in that case, if I lose, I’m also not going to accept your condition though?!”
“Please do something about that!”
“You keep saying things for your own convenience!”
Tick, tack, tick, tack!
The relay continued. Amaori Renako was secretly good at sports with balls like this. Both my mother and little sister were good at sports, so I had some remaining genes in me.
Even then, Ajisai-san was really a tough opponent!
A-as expected from a socially elite member. Even though she had the image of a clumsy girl! Being good at sports basically meant that she really had no flaw!
The competition rules were based on a 10-point match. Whoever scored 10 first would become the winner. After some time, Ajisai-san was leading the score.
Aah, geez, I was going to lose!
That’s right, let’s use Satsuki-san’s strategy from back then, the underhanded tactic! I spoke up.
“In the first place, why are you getting so worried? It’s not like I really mind! Since we’re on the runaway trip, let’s stop thinking about complicated things like money and just enjoy our stay! Sleeping until noon, doing nothing for a whole day, or taking walks outdoors!”
“Those are different things! You’re caught up in my selfishness, and I made you waste your time for me. I definitely can’t do that!”
Ajisai-san performed a tricky maneuver.
If she leaned down like that, i-it showed...her bra was slightly peeking out, completely destroying my concentration!
On top of that, her yukata was getting a bit loose so I could totally see her bare legs! Doing a lewd trick like that was totally a violation of the rules, Ajisai-san!
“Right back at you. Why are you so stubborn, Ajisai-san?!”
Tack!
“How much do you think this will cost you?!”
Tack!
“Of course I know! That’s okay, since I have enough money to cover it! It was for this moment!”
“Spend it wisely!”
“I am spending it wisely!”
Tack! The ball flitted into Ajisai-san’s space. Ajisai-san picked up the ball while gasping for air. I was also in the same condition as her.
“I just—”
I could no longer think calmly, so I just relied on my mouth without thinking too hard.
“I just thought of you as a precious friend…”
“...the feeling is mutual. Me too.”
“So for Ajisai-san, friends should just accept your offer gratefully in this situation?”
“That’s…”
Hearing my straightforward question, Ajisai-san’s eyes wavered slightly.
“For me, friends are people who support each other, rely on each other, and smile together. Is it different for you, Ajisai-san…?”
When I put it into words like this, I finally understood.
What made me sad wasn’t because I couldn’t accept her money.
It was because Ajisai-san drew a line that clearly stated “I can manage by myself now”, and it made me lonely.
Since for me, true friends showed their weaknesses to each other.
“I…”
Ajisai-san held the ping-pong ball in her hand and looked down.
“...always think that I should only offer enjoyment to my friends.”
“That’s―”
“Things like sadness, or pain, I don’t want them to feel it. I prefer to only be burdened by things like that myself. That’s the definition of friends...the people I cherish.”
It seemed that we had a different perspective on friendship.
I had no right to judge whether her view was wrong or right. But if she had said she wanted her friends to be happy, and was willing to shoulder every painful thing on her own, then that was…
“That means you’re bearing all the responsibility by yourself…!”
“I properly understand my limit. Even so, I want to lessen their burden and erase the sadness on their face. I always thought that as long as people around me were happy, it would be my happiness.”
That was what Ajisai-san said.
I often heard something like that, about people who were happy as long as the people around them were happy. So people like this did exist. This was my first time seeing one.
If that was the case, then the reason she treated people around her kindly was...
“That’s right.”
Did I just reveal my thoughts on my face?
Ajisai-san nodded and flashed a lonely smile.
“In the end, I only act like this based on my own interest. Everything is for my own sake.”
“Everything…?”
Even during moments like this, her voice was so soothing, like the flow of clear, running water.
“I’m sorry, Rena-chan. I’m not someone who’s capable of being kind to others. I do want my friends and people around me to be happy, but that’s for my own convenience.”
Ajiasai-san spoke about her ‘selfishness’.
Her tone was like she had confessed some heavy sins.
“My true self is someone selfish. I only do my best to keep smiling and appear cute, but everything’s for my sake. I want people to think that everything is great. Since I love it when people around me look like they’re enjoying their time.”
Ajisai-san closed her eyes and then smiled like she was mocking herself.
“Forgive me for saying despicable stuff like that. Did I just shatter your image of me?”
So this was what Satsuki-san had been saying before. “Even Sena would surely show her human-like ugliness once she took off her mask.” That was why she had told me to prepare myself to accept that side of her.
I thought what she said was true.
But...
―I wouldn’t buy something like that.
I swung my paddle while yelling out.
“What the heck were you saying?! Let’s say you did everything for your own joy. The fact that you treat people kindly still remains! Your kindness is real!”
“Re-Rena-chan?.....”
I pointed my finger in her direction.
“What makes a human isn’t only their words but also their behaviour! No matter how you see yourself, your behaviour has saved a lot of people, including me, and that is the truth!”
Ajisai-san’s angelic qualities were not just from her fluffy and cute appearance.
She was someone always considerate of others, constantly helping many people.
That was why she was a genuine angel.
“If that’s the degree of your sin, then even 100 years won’t be enough to make me turn my back on you! Since you have already earned my favorability rate too much!”
“Fa-favorability rate…?”
“If others’ happiness is your happiness, then it’ll be okay. Since being together with you is enough to make me happy! It’s a win-win situation! But you see, if you paid for my share, it wouldn’t make me happy. That’s why let’s split the bills evenly! Okay? It’s my win!”
“Rena-chan, I’m being serious.”
“Did you think I’m fooling around? I totally meant what I said!”
I continued to answer Ajisai-san, who was scowling, “If you think like that, then let me tell you, your happiness is also my happiness! The moment I tagged along with you on your runaway trip, I was already determined to make you happy!”
“B-but that’s weird. Even if you treat me kindly, it won’t benefit you…”
“Benefit?! Of course there’s a benefit!! When I treat you well, it means I can be of use to you and become an outstanding human being. It’s all for self-affirmation!”
“It doesn’t have to be me…”
“It works because the other person is you, though!”
I kept striking the ping-pong ball. Ajisai-san only held her paddle there, without using any force to hit the ball back. The ball was bouncing in an unexpected direction.
“Since an angel like Ajisai-san is willing to accept my feelings, you know! Of course, it’s the best thing ever! Just by being alive, you’ve already given me salvation! You’re my idol! A dazzling person, someone fun to be with, and when I think about how you did all of that to make me happy, of course I instantly plunged into excitement! Like, holy crap, everything including that and this....?! As if I can repay you back with that amount of kindness….!”
“N-no...it’s a normal thing to do, right…?”
Ajisai-san’s face immediately reddened.
Hearing her answer, I responded, “I-I see, I’m glad… If you really did everything just for my sake, just the money for the stay won’t do. I would definitely offer all the money I earn in my entire life to you…”
“T-the scale is…”
“And that’s why!”
While she appeared appalled (even though I had only unleashed my true feelings), I kept on talking.
“After I listened to your confession, it only made me like you more than ever! That won’t do! I won’t let that!”
“But why?!”
Ajisai-san who had picked up the ball again was getting flustered.
“That’s weird! I’m a sly person, and you just figured out my true personality, right?”
“A truly sly person would be someone like a middle school second year girl who took advantage of her big sister since the big sister had a model friend, using that fact to make herself well-known to seek others’ approval!”
“S-someone like that exists?”
My bad, Lil Sis!
“In the first place, even though you said you conceal your true personality, your disguise is like light makeup for school, while mine is the special makeup they use for Hollywood movies. Yours amounts to nothing!”
Ajisai-san restarted her serve.
“That’s not true. Rena-chan is a lovely and good person. I know since I always sit behind you. The time we spend at break together is always pleasant, and it makes school more fun.”
That was dangerous! I almost bit my tongue and died.
If I fought back by lowering myself, things would become more complicated so I wasn’t going to correct her!
“If that’s true, then don’t say things like you’ll pay for everything, please! I just want to be by your side! I want to support you when you have a bad day, and have fun together. Things like limiting it to only the good times, I don’t want that! Even the bad parts, I want you to share them with me! Since I like you, Ajisai-san!”
In contrast to my burning spirit, the ping-pong ball glided by me and my paddle didn’t manage to hit it back.
Huh, how odd. I couldn’t see clearly.
“Rena-chan…”
That was when I realized.
That I was crying.
Ha...s-since when…?
No, don’t get me wrong, Ajisai-san. These tears weren’t from sorrow. This was something like when you were being too emotional… Right, unintentional tears! As the form of a woman’s weapon!
Still clutching her paddle, Ajisai-san walked to my side.
She pulled me into a hug.
“I’m sorry, Rena-chan.”
“Uuh…….”
“I’m sorry for not trying to understand you.”
“N-no….”
I could clearly feel Ajisai-san’s softness through the thin fabric.
Squeeeeeze...I-I’m sorry...but, let me feel this sensation…!
“I’m sorry for making you go through something miserable. I was only thinking of myself. I hadn’t intended to make you feel like that. I’m really sorry.”
Ajisai-san sounded like she was in tears too.
Eh?!
“I’m happy, knowing your feelings like that. I’m really grateful...”
C-crap… I was really going to cry at this rate.
No, well, I was already crying, but! That one, actual tears!
“A-Ajisai-san…”
My voice quivered.
Aah, I couldn’t do this anymore.
My head was in a jumble.
Two high-school girls, away from their hometown, were enveloped in each others’ arms at the table-tennis area, both crying.
But...I wondered if it was thanks to Ajisai-san’s warmth that this was the closest I’d ever felt to Ajisai-san at this moment.
In the end...
Since I couldn’t express what was on my mind properly, I ended up crying and troubling Ajisai-san. My three months’ experience as a normie still wasn’t enough. My level was still too low.
Ajisai-san was kind enough to understand what I was trying to convey, so everything ended up fine, but…had I really needed to cry? I really wanted to discard my emotions and become a robot. That was right, let’s just board a galaxy railway…
***
We sat side-by-side on the bench nearby. Ajisai-san had been holding my hand since earlier.
“Somehow...this reminds me of that one time when I passed out…”
“That time when we went to the mall, right? I was very surprised back then.”
“Uuh, I’m sorry...I’m ashamed of myself…”
Ajisai-san said she had shattered my image of her, but the truth was that I had more concerns about myself since I had totally bared myself in front of her. A future where she abandoned me felt more possible…
“No, that’s not it.”
Ajisai-san slowly shook her head.
“No matter what kind of flaw you have, or how much you trouble me, it won’t make your kindness and thoughtfulness turn to nothing.”
“That’s…”
Those were things I wanted to tell her.
Ajisai-san moved my hand to place it on her cheek.
She was warm.
“Thank you, Rena-chan, I really mean it… thank you for making the stubborn me realize something important.”
“Really…?”
I didn’t have the ability for that, so I had used up all means for this…
Ajisai-san smiled and closed her eyes.
“I also thought the same things, about my little brothers. I realized that even though they never listen to what I say, and they always trouble me, I still can’t help but think that they’re very important to me.”
Fufu, Ajisai-san giggled as she said that.
“Sorry. Being reminded of those little boys after seeing you cry, that’s rude of me.”
“Th-that’s not true.”
I was at fault, since I had cried out of nowhere.
“Also...even if it’s something rude, I wouldn’t really mind. The thing is, I really want to know you better. I want to see every side of you.”
“...I see.”
Ajisai-san dropped my hand from her cheek, and then she held it firmly.
“Hey, tomorrow there will be a festival around here.”
“Eh?”
“Let’s go home after having fun in this town. If we stay too long, it will hurt your wallet after all.”
Hearing those words, my eyes got hotter as the tears flowed down.
“Aah, no, that’s not it. It didn’t mean that I was blaming you. I wanted to say that it was all thanks to you. You listened to me properly and accepted me...which helped me clear my mind.”
Ajisai-san closed her eyes slightly.
Her smile was something that I often saw in school, something in the morning that acted like a gong announcing the beginning of a wonderful day.
“I see...I’m glad.”
Once again, I smiled.
I was really glad.
If I had managed to convince her to go home, showing off my disgraceful side was a cheap price to pay. Wait, no, we should stop the justification towards that part of me...
When would I be able to solve things smartly, I wondered. Could you evolve a bit more quickly, Renako?
As if she was startled, Ajisai-san unclasped my hand and then joined her own two hands together. She parted her lips slightly, mumbling about something.
“A-anyway, Rena-chan, you praised me too much again…”
“Huh?”
Her cheeks were slowly smeared with a peach color.
What was I saying again? I stared at her profile.
“...Rena-chan really likes me, eh…”
“Eh?!”
My face was on fire. Ajisai-san quickly shifted her head like she was hiding her face from me, but I could see that her ears, peeking out slightly, were red.
“Th-th-th-th-th-that’s—of course I like you!”
“H-huuuh, so it’s true...”
What, what was this? Shame play?!
Also, she was the one who had tried to tease me, so why was she also getting embarrassed?!
It was the truth when I had said I would accept every part of Ajisai-san, but...huh, could it be that, I just made Ajisai-san evolve into version 2.0? No, that wasn’t possible…
“A-ah! That’s right. Hey, Rena-chan, look at that.”
In a bright tone, she quickly changed the topic.
“W-what is it?”
She pointed at the scoreboard with her finger.
It was 10-7.
“Ah.”
I couldn’t really remember what had happened after the midpoint of the match...so the outcome of the match had already been decided!
I trembled.
“Th-the money! Please let me pay for it properly!”
“Eeh?”
Ajisai-san laughed like she was enjoying the whole thing.
“I wonder what I should do?”
It was the fallen angel! The Ajisai-san from my imagination who played with the destinies of mere mortals had bloomed into reality!
“P-please...if you don’t let me pay, I can’t proudly say that we are friends…”
“Eeh? But this is my win, though?”
“Please do something about that...I will do anything…”
Right after I said that, like she was waiting for those words, she flashed me a grin.
Eee………...?
“So you’ll do anything? Well then…”
Ah, aaaaahhhhhh…….
In a lively voice, she requested the absolute most impossible thing from me.
You want me to do something terrifying like that?!
***
“I-I can’t take this….”
I stood in the dressing room.
We had just finished our delicious dinner, and then Ajisai-san had called her family to tell them that she would return the day after tomorrow―she hadn’t talked to her brothers yet, but with this, at least everything had ended.
Or how it was supposed to be!
Right now, in front of me, Ajisai-san was starting to remove her yukata.
Ajisai-san noticed my gaze and her cheeks reddened. As if she was condemning me, she said, “You can’t back down. A match is a match, right?”
“You’re right, but!”
“I agreed on splitting bills after all, so this much should be okay, right? …..or can it be that you don’t want to get into the hot spring with me?”
“Kuuuhhh….”
Struggling between my loss and my feelings, my last fortress was crushed into nothing.
This inn provided a service where you could reserve a personal hot spring for personal use. It was smaller than the public one, but compared with the family size bathtub, of course it was larger. It really was a form of luxury.
This inn was really a good place after all, as expected from Ajisai-san, someone who was loved by God. Her luck was on another level.
“I understand...let me join you….”
“Fufu, yaay.”
Ajisai-san turned around and then continued to take off her yukata. Underneath her yukata, her bra and underwear were matching white with lace frilling. She sure dressed up even for the places where others couldn’t see.
Since we were entering a hot spring, of course we had to take off our clothes. Ajisai-san took off her bra, and the moment her breasts lost their support, they swayed. How huge...!
She covered her bare breasts with her arms, and while I could clearly see the lower half of her body, Ajisai-san smiled bitterly.
“Th-this is really embarrassing after all. I wonder why. Is it because it’s just the two of us right now?”
“Y-yeah, this is embarrassing, right?! Well then, to the public hot springs we go!”
“Rejected.”
As if she was energized, Ajisai-san bravely removed the last piece of clothing on her.
Hii. I got flustered and quickly turned around.
When Ajisai-san clutched her towel in front of her chest, I felt like I had just witnessed the birth of Venus. She walked ahead to the bathrooms and opened the door.
“Waah, it’s an open-air bath. Come on, Rena-chan. It feels great.”
“‘Kaay…..”
This was really embarrassing.
Even though it was embarrassing enough to see her naked, the fact that she would also see me naked made everything worse!
“I should go on a diet since it’s the middle of summer break…!”
I took off my clothes at the speed of a sloth.
Eei. I had already bathed together with Mai and Satsuki-san before! Even with Ajisai-san, it would be totally okay...or no, it was impossible! But I would make do somehow!
I placed my underwear in the basket, then headed to the bath.
The scenery around us was entirely blanketed by the night. In the center of the tiled floor, there was a wooden tub large enough for three adults to have a comfortable bath.
Ajisai-san stood before it and looked up at the night sky.
“See, this feels great.”
Amidst the darkness, the undressed Ajisai-san shone like a bright star in the dark sky.
Her beauty seemed fragile, like a single thin stem supporting a large flower with petals.
She held down her hair that was swaying gently with the evening wind and smiled.
“C-come here, Rena-chan.”
Ajisai-san, who had nothing on her body, was simply beautiful. She looked like a fountain fairy that bewitched every traveler and tempted them, pulling everyone into her world of illusions.
She was totally different from Mai or Satsuki-san. As if I could get used to her!
As high school freshmen, our bodies weren’t yet supposed to have developed completely into that of women, yet upon seeing Ajisai-san, I couldn’t help but think that her body had fully matured. Seeing her charm, I felt like I couldn't breathe.
Before I could stare at her too much, I hurriedly swiveled around and headed to the shower where I could rinse my body.
Ajisai-san plopped down right next to me.
“Ah, that’s right. We should wash ourselves before getting in the hot spring.”
“Y-yes.”
Like an immobile doll, I twisted the faucet with awkward movements. The hot water rained down from above. I gathered some body soap in my hands and then started to wash my body.
“Are you nervous, Rena-chan?”
“Eeh, well…”
“...even though you took a bath together with Satsuki-chan before.”
“Buh.”
At Satsuki-san’s birthday lunch, the fact that Satsuki-san and I had a bath together came to the surface and had become a well-known story to the others.
Was she really bringing back that topic again?!
“I-I was also nervous that time with Satsuki-san!”
“...more than now?”
“Around the same, I wonder…?!”
Ajisai-san’s figure entered my field of vision, and for a fleeting moment, her figure collided with Satsuki-san’s from that night. Satsuki-san’s body that had been illuminated by faint moonlight had been really captivating…
“Ei.”
“Hyaa?!”
Ajisai-san suddenly poked my upper arm firmly. I reflexively leaped up from my position.
“What was that for, Ajisai-san?!”
“...just because?”
Her voice sounded flat, reverberating inside the open-air bath.
Trying to escape this weird mood, I redirected the conversation with a cheerful tone.
“Come to think of it! During the bath with Satsuki-san, I really showed her my clumsiness! I fell over in the bath, you see! And then when I realized, my hands ended up on Satsuki-san’s chest, that I—”
There was the sound of me rushing back to my senses.
―you, what were you planning to tell her? Like that.
I hurriedly corrected my posture and then turned away from Ajisai-san.
“Come to think of it, our dinner today was pretty delicious, eh. It really was a blessing from the ocean.”
“Your hands ended up on Satsuki-chan’s chest, that you...?”
“Well, the thing is I don’t really know any fish dishes besides tuna. Anyways, now that I had the chance to taste white-fleshed fish, I found that they look quite similar to each other, eh?”
“What happened with Satsuki-chan’s chest? Hey, Rena-chan? Hey, hey.”
It seemed that Ajisai-san wasn’t going to let me escape this time. She kept on poking my back or caressing it. Hyuuu….
“That I...ended up groping her with all my might…”
“Eeeeeh……?”
Why had I revealed something like this to her? This only made me want to die more.
“A-and what happened after that?”
“Nothing... I just apologized, and then got out of the bath…”
All the fingers on my hand were moving, touching the empty space.
It was the same sensation I had when I almost got run over by a car in a near-death experience during my childhood… Thanks to that feeling, I wasn’t able to remember the sensation of her chest. No, well, I was okay with not remembering that sensation though.
“That’s pretty embarrassing… I’m sorry for making you remember something like that.”
I made her pity me…
“No, don’t worry about it… Ah, did you know that the kanji of ‘shame’ consists of the characters ‘ear’ and ‘feelings’, since your emotions can be easily displayed upon your ears? I bet my ears are red right now...hahaha…”
“E-err…..”
Ajisai-san looked shy, like she wanted to say something.
“Rena-chan, do you want to...touch my chest?”
“Why?!”
Her ears became red completely.
“I-I didn’t mean it in a weird way!”
Was there any situation where it was normal to say something like “Wanna touch my boobs?” No, right????
“You see, this is something like, overwriting your memory…! It would be great if you could replace your embarrassment from that time with Satsuki-chan. W-well, m-my chest is pretty big. Wanna try touching it? That kind of thing!”
“A, aaah, so that kind of playful thing.”
“Y-yeah! Playfully!”
“Well, I won’t hold back then!”
“G-go ahead!”
I faced Ajisai-san again, and she completely bared her chest to me.
Eh, no, huh……..for real?
Ajisai-san shut her eyes as she squeezed her chest with her arms. She was really emphasizing her exceptional body part. White, pale, and soft-looking breasts. It was like a scene from a dream. My heart was seized with anxiety.
Eh, I was going to touch these….? Me…..?
Eh, was it really okay for me to touch the soft skin that was usually hidden under a uniform? For real? This wasn’t a mistake, surely?
Nonetheless, if I chose to turn down her offer and escaped, I would waste Ajisai-san’s kindness and courage.
Was it really okay for me to touch them?
….’kay, let’s touch them.
What were someone else’s breasts anyways? I had breasts myself. I was only becoming frightened since I was touching Ajisai-san’s body. It could be on the same level as poking her cheek, or tapping her shoulder. I really didn’t need to overthink this.
“Well then, excuse me!”
“Y-yes!”
I raised my voice to encourage myself, then I stretched out my hands.
My index finger was slowly touching Ajisai-san’s boobs...it sunk into the flesh.
U-uwaaah...it was completely different compared to when I touched myself. This was totally different… This marshmallow-like softness…
Moreover, these weren’t ordinary boobs. These were Ajisai-san’s boobs. Even though all humans are born with hair, Marilyn Monroe’s hair held far greater value than others. This was the same logic that made Ajisai-san’s boobs hold greater value than anyone else’s.
People who had encountered Ajisai-san up until now, and also people who would encounter Ajisai-san from now on...thinking that these people wouldn’t get the chance to feel her boobs no matter how they longed for it, even though I had managed to thanks to my sudden luck… somehow, it was like I was doing something unbelievable.
“U-umm, Rena-chan…”
“Ha!”
I came back to my senses. It seemed like I had been groping them since earlier.
“Th-this is a bit ticklish… i-it’s not like I hate it, really.”
“I-I’m sorry!”
Well then, let’s make this last stroke as the end! I stretched out my fingers, but since I was flustered, my hand slipped and I ended up pinching the tip of her boobs.
Ah.
“Unyuu…..”
Ajisai-san hurriedly covered her mouth.
Our eyes met. Her face was completely red.
“A, aha, ahahahahaha...what a weird voice I let out…”
“Ha, hahahahahaha……..”
I couldn’t say anything. I could only laugh like a fool.
Initially, out of concern, Ajisai-san had offered this to help me rewrite my embarrassing memories with Satsuki-san. But in the end, rather than overwrite those memories, I had only ended up storing the sensation of Ajisai-san’s boobs into a different memory folder… I was sure that this folder wouldn’t be deleted for the rest of my life…
After that, we immersed ourselves in washing our bodies without saying anything, and then we dipped into the hot spring, sitting next to each other.
When I looked at her, my gaze kept naturally falling on her boobs, so I forced myself to look straight ahead.
“Fuuh, the water...it feels great, eh….”
“R-right…”
Ajisai-san who had tucked her hair into a bun released a warm breath.
At first, the awkwardness was too much for me, so much that I thought I would have to get out after two seconds, but the hot spring really had a mysterious power. Every part of my nervousness and the heavy feelings I had experienced earlier slowly vanished.
I was still nervous, but I could make do with this amount of nervousness. What I wanted to do was to relax my body like this while staring at the stars above for a while longer.
Now come to think of it, we had really walked a lot since the morning.
The comfort from the perfect water temperature was melting away the fatigue from my body.
“Fuuh….”
But well, today had really been a busy day…
We left Tokyo in the early morning, arrived at this town, stayed at this inn, played table-tennis, dipped inside an hot spring and I even touched her boobs...that was a lot.
It was a given but this was my first time spending a whole day together with Ajisai-san like this. I felt like our relationship was a bit...no, our relationship had definitely improved a lot. I felt a lot closer to her now.
Ajisai-san had said that she was a selfish and sly person, but my image of her hadn’t changed a bit. Ajisai-san was someone who always did her best. She was a brave, kind, and extremely adorable angel. In fact, I thought that she had become more angelic than before.
It had been tiring but...I was glad that I had decided to tag along with her. I really thought that from the bottom of my heart.
“Hey, Rena-chan.”
“Yes.”
“Your view about friendship from earlier is interesting.”
“I-is it?”
“I’ve never had a deep conversation like that with other people before.”
“Hee…”
So that was the case with Ajisai-san.
“Yup… as expected, my view about friendship, it’s a bit heavy, right?”
“I-I don’t think so. I said this earlier, but your behaviour has saved me… I honestly think that the way you treasure your friends is admirable… Also, if we’re talking about heavy or not, I think my view about friendship might be heavier…”
“Rena-chan’s is, yeah. Somehow.”
After considering it for some time, Ajisai-san continued, “Rather than friends...that sounds like lovers, I think?”
“Uh.”
She was saying the same thing as Mai.
Sharing everything, supporting each other, so even Ajisai-san pointed that out. It only made me question whether my view was the incorrect one.
“Let’s change the question then. For you, what does it mean by being lovers, Rena-chan?”
“Eeh? Me?”
“Yup. the differences between friends and lovers…I want to know what you are thinking.”
I wet my face with the hot spring water.
The difference between friendship and love, huh.
This was something I had often thought about thoroughly after Mai approached me. I still hadn’t found the answer yet though. Even then, I kept thinking about it every day.
“This is my personal view though.”
“Fufu, that’s what I want to hear since I’m talking with you, right?”
“Th-that’s right...umm, you see, I think the feelings of friendship and love aren’t something that different.”
“The resemblance is that close for you?”
“Yeah. The most important thing is what you seek from the relationship, I think.”
Like talking to myself, I spoke again.
“For me, I want a relationship where I can talk about anything with my friends. But a relationship like that, just like what you said...is something that resembles a romantic relationship for some people, right?”
I laughed.
“It’s odd, right? Even though they are the same words, the meaning can be different. That’s why, uhh...”
I scratched my cheek.
“Friendship and love, they are unexpectedly the same, I think. Like, that thing with two circles...a venn diagram, with similar elements between two different things…”
While I peeked at her reaction, I hurriedly added other things to my explanation.
“Ah, uh, you see, a long time ago, I played a dating sim and based on that experience I had to increase the “affection” and “attraction” bar to do so. Right now, I kind of harbor both of those feelings since I look up to everyone in our group and want to get along with everyone better...and so, uh…”
I laughed to gloss over my fast talking.
Things like I should only date one person, but I could make a lot of friends. Of course, there were a lot of other things that could differentiate these two relationships.
“You’re friends if both of you think so, and you’re lovers when the two sides consent to do so...and so I wondered that the border between these relationships are quite vague, between lovers and friends…”
If you had an ambiguous relationship, you didn’t have to comply with common sense or others’ opinion. You could just put a special label for that relationship, something that had been agreed upon by both parties.
Just like the relationship between me and Mai.
...the fact that I had that special relationship. The first thing that came to mind was Mai’s face.
And that imaginary Mai currently had a disturbing smile plastered on her face ever since I entered the bath with Ajisai-san. Scary.
Dammit, Rema friends… Why should I feel this huge amount of guilt…? We were supposed to be only friends, but why…? The curse of Rema friends…!
Ajisai-san slowly placed her hand on top of mine, underwater.
“Does that include me?”
“Eh?”
Ah, aah, that thing about affection and attraction.
“Y-yeah, of course. Ajisai-san is number one in my “looking up to” ranking after all. The first! That’s a given!”
“I see.”
Her soft palm was caressing my hand.
It was ticklish, and somehow felt unusually embarrassing.
“Th-that’s my personal view about that...and so what about you, Ajisai-san? The difference between lovers and friends.”
I changed the flow of conversation, leaving Ajisai-san to ponder for a while.
“For me...I think I still don’t have the answer.”
“I-I see.”
“You are amazing, Rena-chan. You sure think about a lot of things. It makes me respect you more.”
“Ah, did you get attracted to me now? Just kidding.”
I asked her that since I was too carried away, but Ajisai-san answered with a smile.
“Yeah.”
Guh… I felt like I was just hit by a ball in the middle of a dodgeball match.
So it wasn’t good at all. It was okay for Ajisai-san to tease me, but it was ten trillion years too soon for me to tease her!
After our bath, we finished blow-drying our hair and then returned to our room. When we arrived, the futons were already laid out next to each other in the middle of the room.
Just when I thought the bath event had ended, now this…
It was too much when I thought that this course of events was natural, but as expected, I was going to sleep in the same room with Ajisai-san tonight… of course I was nervous even though we were both girls. Things like this were... Gulp.
While Ajisai-san scrolled through her phone, I, who was overly anxious, also flipped through my phone, thinking of what had happened today.
Ah, a message from my little sister.
[Big sis, when are you coming home?]
She was my own family so I was perfectly aware that this message wasn’t something that came out of concern.
Under normal circumstances, I practically never weighed in my little sister’s mind after all, so this message was probably something Mom asked her to send.
[The plan is the day after tomorrow.]
Just before I left, I had told my little sister that I was going on a trip with Ajisai-san, so everyone didn’t have to worry.
Well, they don’t get worried over something like this, including my sister. If my little sister came up with a good excuse, no one would even bother to think about me. I didn’t really mind, okay?!
[Gotcha. Anyway, where are you staying tonight?]
The purpose of this question was probably to make sure or to ask for souvenirs...well, whatever, I didn’t really care…!
[Here.]
I sent her my map location. After that, her reply didn’t come. It seemed like she had already fulfilled her duty this time.
“Hey.”
Uwaa, that was surprising. Ajisai-san’s voice sounded so close.
“Y-yes.”
Ajisai-san had changed into her pajamas. It was a long one-piece night gown. Compared with my shirt and jersey, I could feel the huge difference in our fashion sense even during times like this.
“Let’s go to bed, shall we?”
A nice and gentle scent wafted over. We had used the same shampoo and conditioner, but why did she smell so good, I wondered…
“Ah, yeah, let’s.”
I glanced at the time. It really was time for bed.
I connected my phone to charge, went to the toilet, and then crept under my futon.
“I’m turning off the lights now.”
“Okaay.”
Ajisai-san slid into her futon right next to me after turning off the lights.
“Good night, Rena-chan.”
“G-good night.”
Uuuhhhh, I couldn’t seem to fall asleep.
Even though I had woken up so early this morning, and was supposed to be very tired right now.
Now that I thought about it, sleeping together with someone like this… Wait, no, I’d already done it once, not long ago with Satsuki-san.
Still, now was not the time to get nervous no matter how many times I had done this.
The sliding door was tightly closed, but the moonlight from outside still streamed slightly into the room, keeping the room from being pitch black. In spite of that, I turned my gaze to Ajisai-san next to me, staring at her beautiful profile that was just like an angel’s.
That was when our eyes met, as she looked in my direction.
Eh?! (Ba-thump)
“Hey, Rena-chan.”
“Y-yeah.”
“Do you have someone you like?”
“Eh!?”
Ajisai-san giggled.
“This sounds like the obligatory romance talk during a school trip, right?”
“Aah, yup, sounds like one.”
“So, who is it?”
“Eh?!”
This wasn’t a casual question, but a thorough investigation?!
“I-I don’t have anyone.”
“Eeh, really?”
“Yeah...probably.”
I shifted my legs slightly to feel the sensation of the sheets. It was very calming somehow.
Perhaps, the motivated me who wanted to do my best in preventing Ajisai-san from feeling bored had gone to sleep earlier. Because, the one who existed right here now was the plain honest me.
Since right now I was only saying the things in my mind, not trying hard to appear to be someone interesting.
“Maybe I’ve never fallen in love with someone before…”
“Really? No one?”
“I...like to think that I never have.”
The mini-Mai appeared in my head and raised her hand while saying, “Heya.” In my imagination, I swiftly stuffed the mini-Mai inside a box and sealed it with tape. We were friends.
Errr, what else…
Middle school, elementary school, pre-school, I skimmed through my memory.
First, I never spoke with boys in middle school. I only mingled in a particular girls’ circle, and when people avoided me, I didn’t really recover well, which was the source of the problem.
“During elementary school too...the boys hung out with boys and the girls with girls.”
“There were no boys that piqued your interest?”
“Uummmm, no, I don’t think so... Ah, there was.”
“Who was it?”
“There was… But it wasn’t love, I think…”
“What kind of person was he?”
Ajisai-san’s curious eyes shone bright like crystals inside a dim cave.
I hesitated for a while, then gave up and told her.
“He usually seems careless, and only says stupid things, but he’s someone others can rely on in critical times. He’s someone who prioritizes his friends more than anyone, someone who unexpectedly has strong leadership…”
“Yup yup.”
“Also, he becomes crazy strong when his power awakens, and always gets the best part… and even though one time he was in the middle of battle and almost lost against the fierce enemies, he overcame the struggle with a composed smile.”
“Rena-chan.”
“Yes.”
“That’s a fictional character, right.”
I answered her question with an abrupt, “Yes” just like Akinator, the computer game genie that guesses your answer through a series of questions. It was like what she had said. He was a character from the manga I had recently become hooked on.
“I see, so he’s my first love…”
“Nnnn~~~.......”
Ajisai-san’s reaction sounded like she was protesting that wasn’t what she meant.
But I really had no one other than him in my heart.
Mai tore through the sealed box in my mind, peering in my direction while saying, “Did you call for me?”. I swiftly threw the box out the window.
I do like Mai, of course, as a friend. She made my heart throb faster sometimes, but that wasn’t something special since I also often felt that when spending time with Satsuki-san and Ajisai-san. Just by getting your heartrate up didn’t mean that you were in love. I also experienced the same physiological response after doing a marathon or entering a haunted house, and it didn’t mean I loved running marathons or entering haunted houses. That was a given.
“Err...and what about you, Ajisai-san?”
“Me, eh…”
Ajisai-san flipped over on her futon.
“Umm.” She turned her back on me and then thought for a while. “It’s a secret.”
“Eh, you have one?!”
“I don’t know. More like, I’m curious...probably.”
“Hee….”
Ashigaya’s angel, someone who piqued her interest… This was huge news… Nah, I wouldn’t tell anyone though…
“Eh, could it be someone from our school?”
“Well, yes.”
“Eeeeh, who-who is it, who is it?”
I asked her out of curiosity.
I wondered what kind of dashing person he was. The boys in our class were quite good-looking. Maybe someone like Shimizu-kun or Fujimura-kun. They looked like they got along with Ajisai-san after all.
“Ah, you said it once, right? About a person you like.”
“...did I?”
“Yup. since it was something you said, of course I remember. You like someone that gives you peace of mind.”
“Nn, nnn……”
So even Ajisai-san got embarrassed during times like this. The answer didn’t come for a while.
Well, it wasn’t like I wanted to forcefully make her spit out the truth...but when I chose to step back, Ajisai-san spoke up again.
“I thought of one thing,” Ajisai-san said her words slowly.
A transparent voice that made you feel safe and tranquil.
“About what?”
“The differences between friendship and love.”
“Aah, yeah.”
The conversation during our bath. Bath...uhhh.
In my mind, I could see Ajisai-san’s pale skin, the waistline against her yukata, her chest―the moment my palms touched it, I recalled the vivid sensation of softness. My face got hot.
Stop. I can’t. At this rate, I would end up with no sleep tonight.
Nonetheless, the words she said next was a bomb dropping on me.
The difference between friendship and love, that was―
“...something like, whether you felt sexual attraction or not.”
Heee.
I see, so that kind of thinking also―
………….
“―eh, eeeeehhh?!”
She had stated it in a very normal tone like it was part of an everyday conversation. I hadn’t anticipated this.
Ajisai-san was facing the opposite direction, so I couldn’t see her expression.
“Th-that’s surprising. So Ajisai-san is capable of saying things like that.”
“Actually, I talk about sexual stuff normally. Everyone often says that it’s unexpected, but it’s not like I despise that kind of talk.”
“Is that so… I-I’m sorry. Somehow my reaction was a bit over the top.”
Our group never really talked about sex or similar topics before, so she might have just had those conversations with other classmates. Considering Ajisai-san was one of the members who often joined other groups, that was plausible…
“Why are you apologizing?”
I could hear Ajisai-san giggling.
“...or could it be that you dislike me talking often about things like this? Since it is unlike your beloved angel Ajisai?”
“Eh, no, that’s…”
I couldn’t answer her in an instant. Seeing my reaction, she mumbled.
Surely, it wasn’t like my usual image, but…
“...but, this is also part of me. This is, also me.”
“Y-yeah.”
I wanted to put an end to this stimulating conversation with a short answer, but it seemed like Ajisai-san wasn’t going to let me off the hook.
“Rena-chan, have you ever had that kind of thoughts towards a friend?”
Ueeee?!
“M-me?! I wonder! That’s a difficult question!”
That kind of thought, eh...honestly, well, well, I had, though!
Of course, I couldn’t say it, but then Ajisai-san laughed.
“Aaah, so you had...lewd Rena-chan.”
“N-n-n-no, that’s not!”
Satsuki-san often teased me like this, but when Ajisai-san was the one who said that, the shame I felt was really on a different level! I’m not a lewd woman!!
Uuh, I could imagine a pair of devil-like black wings unfurl from her back…
“If I keep up with these kinds of topics, it might excite you and make you not able to fall asleep.”
“You’re right… But, you’re wrong. I never saw my friends with that kind of…”
“Alriiight.”
Her answer clung on my ears, and then she rolled her body to face me again.
Since my eyes were already used to the darkness, I could clearly see her sidelong glance.
“...even if you end up wanting to do it, you can’t push me down, okay?”
“Eh?!”
She put a finger on her lips, then closed her eyes halfway.
“Don’t become a big bad wolf who takes advantage of a weak, runaway girl’s heart...okay?”
“―”
Her gaze.
Just before my reasoning got crushed, I hurriedly escaped from her look.
“G-good night!” I pulled the futon over my head with a yell.
I wished that I would lose consciousness until the sun rose.
Ajisai-san who teased my innocent heart like that……!
Turned out that she was the wicked woman, though?!
*****
Sena Ajisai’s Story (2) - How Silly of Me
The first time she spoke with Renako was the day after the entrance ceremony. Renako had offered to share an umbrella with her as she was taking shelter in the station from the rain.
During their first encounter, Ajisai thought of her as someone cheerful, an assertive, adorable girl.
Ajisai was sure that Renako had a lot of friends during middle school, and since she had no acquaintance at her new school, was determined to make a lot of new friends in high school.
Ajisai wanted to support that wish of hers, and that was why, after they ended up sitting close to each other, they naturally became friends.
She thought that they got along pretty well.
Ajisai had a lot of friends to talk to, but Renako was the first high school friend she had invited to her home.
―perhaps, she regarded her as a special friend.
A secretly close relationship, like elementary school classmates who vowed to “always be best friends.” For Ajisai who liked the Sunday morning show featuring magical girls, something like that made her heart brim with excitement.
Until, that day.
“―Ajisai-san is an angel for me! I really like you, I will always like you!”
A lot of time had passed since that day, and she finally understood what she had meant. That day, it wasn’t like Renako had said it to make her heart skip in excitement. That hadn’t been her intention at all. She was being simple and straightforward, baring her feelings to Ajisai so she wouldn’t misunderstand her.
But even after a while, every time she looked at Renako’s face, the memories from that day would resurface. Her face would turn red, and she wouldn’t be able to stay calm.
(...what an odd person.)
Still laying beside her, Ajisai stared at the sleeping Renako’s profile.
She couldn’t sleep, so she got up from her futon, then sat on the chair next to the window.
(She had followed me on my runaway trip, and insisted on splitting the bills while crying…)
Ajisai thought that if she showed her unusually forceful side, Renako would yield and let her pay for everything.
Renako was kind, and Ajisai also could see the timidness inside her, which was why she planned to just convince her in one swoop. Ajisai was aware of her own slyness, which led her to formulate a plan like that.
Even then, Renako easily surpassed Ajisai’s expectations.
Ajisai wondered if Renako didn’t fear that her way of forcefully handling things could affect their relationship negatively.
No matter how close you were, you were still bound to have fights with your friend. Ajisai, who had a wide range of social circles, already saw it many times.
That was why she considered Renako’s actions to be reckless no matter how she looked at it. It made her anxious, since Ajisai was the one who had faced that side of Renako.
(...since I’d never met someone like her before.)
Ajisai was someone who was always attentive to her surroundings, and Renako was very different from her who always treated everything carefully.
Sometimes, Ajisai would get worried whenever she saw Renako’s straightforwardness...and, even if just for a bit, she also envied that side of hers.
(This time, it unexpectedly resolved in a good way and it was great...but it had been a coincidence…)
No, deep down she already realized.
She realized what Renako pulled wasn’t a mere coincidence.
She understood that Renako hadn’t done it out of confidence. Renako didn’t believe that she could pull it off perfectly. Even so, Renako kept running to that one goal and stretched out her hands.
She made it come true by her own efforts. It was as simple as that.
Renako was different from Ajisai, who chose to shut herself inside her own comfort zone. They were truly polar opposites in this sense.
(...right, that’s true. That’s why Rena-chan is amazing. The more I know about her, the more I think that I wouldn’t be able to beat her...)
She placed her hand on her chest over her pajamas.
The place where Renako had touched her before was still throbbing, and it felt feverish.
Somehow it felt painful. She took a deep breath.
(Why was I feeling this way?)
Ajisai looked up to the sky.
The hazy clouds that slightly concealed the moon resembled the fuzzy emotions that were stirring in her chest.
Your happiness is my happiness―even though your happiness could plunge me into sorrow.
Those were her conflicting thoughts. Even though it wasn’t a lie, she wondered since when did everything become this painful and confusing.
(Because, the truth was that... I hadn’t really needed to run away from home. It would’ve been better if I had endured it. Even then...why did I...why…)
Ajisai was, to her precious friend who was sleeping soundly...
In a quiet voice, she asked the moon.
“...what is this emotion? I can’t fall asleep...at this rate, my heart would no longer be able to take it.”
Both the moon and Ajisai didn’t find the answer to her whisper.
*****
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